I need to go into more detail about our trip to Wolfe Island in July. We arrived on Wed afternoon to Cape Vincent. The  fields of windmills on the island can be seen across the water. Once we got to the island, the highway that leads to the village goes by the VanHals so we stopped in to see if they were home to say hi – luckily they were and it was great to see them. When we got to the hotel, I got to try out the new toy my dad got for me – a chair at the bottom of the stairs that rides on rails to the top. A little scary but it did the job just fine. They made lots of modifications to the apartment so I could be comfortable there – hardwood floors, roll-in shower. Really great. The next day was dad’s 70th birthday – in typical form, he was running all around so we didn’t get to see him too much until he slowed down a little later in the evening! The next day, Cathy Amara and her daughter Ruby came to spend the day with us. Cathy and I used to play soccer together in Seattle and were both post-docs in different labs at the UW. Ruby is adorable and they are happily living in Toronto (her parents live in Kingston which is the city across from Wolfe Island) where Cathy is faculty at Uof T.  The kids had a great time together and of course Jani enjoyed playing with them and earned the title “uncle Jani” from Ruby.  Jani stayed on the couch and late that night, Khaled and family arrived.

The next day the kids played and the adults talked. It was great to have everyone together.  That afternoon, The Soules came in and hung out with us for a few hours. It was great to see Dianne and Geoff and Andrew + families.  Sunday we went to Big Sandy Bay beach. On the way, we stopped at Jen and Brad who are expecting their first child – so cool!!  In the parking lot, we ran into Muffy and her kids Paige and Tate. They are teenagers now. Insane. They all looked and sounded great. Khaled pushed Encsi and I (she sat on my lap) all the way to the beach – no small feat! Lori and Mandy and some other spent the day at the beach with us. The kids had a blast, even with the massive seaweed! It was a fun time and I enjoyed my primier chaise lounge seating while the others “roughed in with their towels on the sand .

So I didn’t get to see nearly all the people I needed and wanted to thank in person. The silent auction party that Mandy, her mom, and Lori organized for me generated proceeds that covered about 40% of the cost of my van which is paid for completely. Given the current economic climate, this is a luxury many cannot afford. Especially considering the tenuous nature of my health, it is a massive benefit because even though I can transfer to a regular car seat, I cannot drive unless the car is modified and I cannot get my chair into the car alone (and it isn’t a collapsible chair). So this vehicle is extremely valuable to me and my function as a mother of 2 small kids. And by the way, the kids love going for rides with mommy in the van. Yesterday (most of us family not feeling 100% because of colds and cold weather outside) I took the kids for a little ride through town to get out of the house (our “little” house is not barn for them to thrash about wildly and they go pretty stir crazy in a short time!) and they ALWAYS say how much they love going with mommy in the van. I love my babies so very much and it means alot to me to be able to move around with them.  I know that once they start getting involved in stuff, I will be able to take them places and the more involved I am with them the happier I am!

So the plan was for Jani and I to take Kaden and Kyan home with us for a week but we all awoke in the morning and poor little Kyan had a fever so the four of us began our journey home. It was a good trip. Daddy took care of everything as usual. Mission completely safely.

September 11th was Rowan’s 6th birthday. My little nugget is a boy now. A first grader into Star Wars, guns, gladiators, X-men, any superhero you want to name,….a boy. But my boy still crawled into my lap today for hugs. Ah…….. His birthday was a fun boys party – horsing around, showing his guests the bow and arrow he brought back from Hungary, and serving them carrot cake (I swear that is what he chose. Ask me about celebrating his first birthday in Houston some time.) It was a nice afternoon with the wonderful people who came to celebrate with us.

OK next mission: Girish and Brenda’s wedding in Cabo which was postponed from May 23 to October 10 because of the swine flu…..

Have wheelchair, can fly!. Once we got past the check in where I realized when I scanned my passport and saw “Ismail” on the screen that I forgot I have not yet changed my passport to reflect the addition of my married name (but lucky had my driver’s licence with me! ask me about our trip to Tahiti in 2004 sometime), we flew from RDU to Dallas (DFW). Nuts and bolt: there is a special chair they have that can fit into the isle so I transfer to it just at the end of the airwalk and they strap me in and with one person in front and one at the back, they propel me to row #7 – the bulkhead row – and from that I trasfer to the airline seat. My chair goes in the belley with the plane and once everyone is off at our destination, they bring one of the funky narrow chairs and reverse the process. There, while on the airwalk in Dallas waiting to board to Cabo (SJD), Jani heard some others talking and the name “Girish” so we discovered that they were family (uncle and grandpa – tell you more about him later) coming from India for the wedding. Greeted by massive love as soon as the cab pulled up -Khaled and Mervie, Neil (groom’s brother) and their parents Suresh and Shoba (spectacular people – more on them later too). So we sat on the patio and chatted until 2am or so….so begins the extended celebration weekend!

The next day was gorgeous and so we joined Khaled and Mervie for breakfast…and what breakie would be complete without mimosa (those who know me know my penchant for this bevvie…and ask me the story about my family visiting us in Tx for Christmas 2004 somtime!)?!?!? So then we went down to the lounge chairs by the infinity pool. Ahh….even though I can’t smell, I FELT the ocean air and heard the waves crashing on the beach.

Lots of people came by to talk with us through the course of the day and it was lovely to see all these great people and spend such nice time with them in the gorgeous surroundings. That evening was the Sangeet, an Indian tradition for acquainting the wedding guests and some traditional Indian dance. The entrance was lined with a Hispanic band playing Mexican music while people mingled and chatted. The traditional Indian garb worn by the women was fantastically ornate and even the men looked pretty! We got to meet the lovely couple Elaine and Tony Malcoun. Tony is the gentleman who brought my brother in to join his group which he enjoys very much. Really lovely people. I say this over and over but truly, such an incredible range of equisitely charismatic, intelligent, and superbly warm-hearted people.  After dinner, Girish’s mom Shoba performed one of these, a young cousin another, and I think another relative did the third. They were really quite lovely. There was also an interesting show done by a yoing man and woman kind of in the distance – a flaming baton twirling + hoola hoop dance routine. Pretty cool!

So a funny story about Jani: the whole day we were at the pool and for a bit we went down to the beach (4 men took the corners of a lounge chair to get me there) under a palapa. That evening at the party, everyone was cleaned up and dressed up – mostly Indian chic. Haseena offered to come get a place at a table for us and apparently went to get started, but Jani and I were looking for Khaled and Merv and place where we could all be together. Anyway, Jani was talking about it later in the manner that Haseena was putting unexpected undue effort into it and didn’t even realize that Haseena was one of the people who had spent the day at the pool with us! He didn’t recognize her all dressed up! He didn’t live that down for the rest of the trip! She is little but she is a force!

The next day was very similar to the previous in terms of the weather. between Jani and my brother, they chucked me into the pool and there was a bench along the side for me to chill and have my beverage (2 for one poolside? oh, alright). The night was a Fiesta dinner outside by the water was lovely too. It was a pretty casual affair and people mingled and chatted more over the background of waves crashing on the beach. At 10pm the “younger” crowd (I think I just qualify but Jani, at 40, is pushing it a bit!), went to the lobby and crowded onto a bus. At the end of the journey, a really cool beach party was going on, organized by the groom’s brother Neil and sister-in-law Sajel. There were couches and table all around but it was on the beach. So Jani picked me up out of my chair and carried me about 200 yards through the crowd to one of the couches. And there I sat for the rest of the evening and people came and went and the space on either side of me was vacated. Fun. I didn’t miss going to the bar to join in the tequila shots I will tell you that (can’t drink that stuff since college!). The first person to talk to me was a nice young man who was a semi-pro soccer player (Pete? I don’t remember all the details, just that we were talking about soccer vs. football and baseball) and his friend Billy. Then Haseena, Merv, Kal, Lou, Neil, Sajel, and Sharon were around for a while (you know Jani – whole slew of interesting new people to talk to and drinks!?! I didnt’ see him more than necessary!). Then Oscar one of the wedding planners came and knelt on the sand next to me and talked for a while. Sweet young man.  There is another story there too it just depends on who you ask (Haseena, Merv, or Jani) as to which perspective you get! Anyway, another night ending at 4am.

So the next morning the breakfast nearly missed us but Jani skedaddled just in time to get some stuff for us. And then we headed to the pool! We hung out there for a little while but since the wedding was at 5pm, we wanted to make sure we were rested and ready. The wedding was on the beach and there was a terrace area I could see it from. Since they had speakers, I could mostly hear everything. Afterwards, I had a great chat with Elaine about everything from leaving the kids behind for the first time, to the Csardas (wedding dance in Hungary), to traditional Lebanese quisine (getting sick of hummus everyday versus the veriety in Indian quisine). Then I talked with Anu who presided over the wedding. I told most of it sounded loevly – what I could her that is and so she gave me a personal, word-for-word recount of everything she said. Apparently she doesn’t know Spanish but memorized the tranlations and recited them as she went along so that Brenda’s family could follow allow. When I went to Neil and Sajel’s wedding, I remember there was a ritual where they went a round a fire seven times. They did the same thing (athough it was a candle) and I asked her what each circle meant. So here is the run down: The whole thing is called the Sagtapadi – a ceremony to get validity for the occassion and sanctify the union. 1:for food, 2: for strength, 3: for prosperity, 4: for happiness, 5: progeny, 6: auspcious days, 7: friendship. So the pictures below are an amalgamation of highlights from the wedding and Rowan’s birthday party. I have lots from our trip but I have to work backwards to sort through them still!

There is so much more to tell about the wedding – several relatives from the wedding party from India approached me and said that athey had heard wonderful stories about us and came to meet us and introduce themselves.  Girish’s lovely uncle Prabat invited us to be his guests if we come to visit India. Sweet Grandpa Ram, 86 years old flew fom India-London, NY, Dallas, Cabo alone and back, took my hand and said “I will give you India” if you come. Everyone was just so kind. Hessina insisted many times that we come visit her in India. If you knew these people and what their lives are like, you would understand the depth of meaning in their words.  It was a tough trip in many respects but definitely worth it and I hope it was too taxing on those around me. I think it was for Jani even though he really enjoyed himself. He didn’t say but he certainly would never complain. 

So we are working on plans for the next couple of trips – need to go to Czech Rep and Hungary next year and then I’m thinking about telling Granpa Ram that we’ll come and celebrate his 90th birthday with him!! For now though Halloween, which is my favorite holiday, and 2 people are in my mind – Mervie will be 34 on Thursday 10/22 and Khaled next Sunday 10/31. So zap some text messages if you have their numbers! We still keep exchanging messages about how great it was to be in Cabo together!

OK that is it for this entry.  Not to end on a sour note but I will be thinking about all of you as I work through tomorrow – the second anniversary of the accident.

Went to Wolfe Island at the end of July to celebrate dad’s 70th.  It was such a nice visit. Not enough to time to see a fraction of the people I needed and wanted to see but enough to get the word out that I was there and that I love them!  Got to see Mandy and her family, Lori, Muffy and Paige and Tate, Cathy and Ruby, Andrew and Geoff their families and mom Dianne…..I need to go back soon. Miss it.

Jani and the kids had a wonderful trip to Hungary.  All the family and friends got together to celebrate Jani’s 40th birthday. Many family members took turns shuffling the kids around to different places and entertaining them.

Rowan had a great birthday.  Who said he could turn 6? At the end of the day, I asked him what his favorite part of the day was ” all of it!’ he replied without hesitating.  So darn adorable. And seems to be liking 1st grade all right. Whew!

Encsi is a little girl now. No more baby.  And all daddys. Fortunately, she looks a little more like mommy !!!!

As for me, busy is an understatement. I can’t believe it is going to October later this week. Paper resubmission due this week, grant due 10/16, going to Cabo for Girish and Brenda’s wedding 10/7-12. Khaled and Mervie will be there, Neil and Sajel, Lou,…..can’t wait!  Jani and I REALLY need this break together.

OK the rest of  this is going to be visual. Oh, and remember I said no time for Facebook. Yeah. I bit that one too.

First, I know many people have Facebook pages but I honestly don’t have time for that. Jani has one and so you can write to him (on his wall? oh drat the techie terminolgie!!) or you can write to me at jaivirag@gmail.com or call/text my cell 252-412-8216.

I’ll start with a funny thing that Encsi said one night. We were hanging out in the pool room and Jani saw her mouth moving as though she were eating something. Neither of us had given her anything and so he booms at her “Encsi, what is in your mouth?” She grins back at him as says ”teeth”! I have told that story about 20 times and still can’t do it without laughing!!

Most people know this story too – about the pipe that supplies water to the inside sprinkler system burst on the coldest day in late Jan…in the master bedroom over the bed on Sat morning at 7am when Jani was at work. So the fire alram was going off and since I can’t smell, I didn’t know what was going on, only that water was gushing everywhere on the floor. Anyway, we survived it. The floors and celing had to be torn out and redone and the walls repainted and so I slept on the bottom of bunk bed in kids room and Jani slept on the couch in the pool room for about a month.

The first few months of this year have been wrought with tragedy. I prviously spoke about Ann Kleese’s passing. MariJo Grazziano, my dear friend Megan’s mom, passed as well so please keep these ladies in your thoughts. They have wonderful husbands and fabulous children that live because of them. We are a product of our genes and experiences. We must be strong but also enjoy each minute of every day. This is what they made us for and how they lived.

We were in the new Fresh Market grocery store at the beginning of February and Rowan and I were looking at the Valentine’s Day stuff they had assembled into a lovely showing. A man in a power chair approached us and asked me if that was my van outside. I said yes cautiously because a) thought maybe I parked it wrong/badly or b)something had happened to it (normally not a paranoid person!) but he simply told me that he recognized a scratch on the trim under the lift and was certain that he was the person who had it made and had owned it before me – and he lives a few miles away! We bought it at Van Products in Raleigh.

We had a fair bit of snow in NC this winter.  So much that school was canceled on election day. Jani was home and so he and Rowan went outside the window of the study and built a snow man.  Encsi didn’t like the cold stuff too much (she’s a beach girl!) !  As it got warmer over the course of the week, the snowman started to melt so Rowan says, “hey the snowman is losing weight!” It seems like winter went on for a very long time. Even here! It was still cold in May.

Work stuff: Jan and Feb were busy because of grants going out. March and April were busy because I got back into teaching the medical students. It was fun. Hard but good. It isn’t my area and so it will take some refinement but I like it and I’m glad. May and June have been busy because we are trying to get some data to resubmit our first manuscript paper due to AJP July 4th. Thing in the lab are going good – busy but a good group of people: Jess Dries - many of you know her but for those who don’t, she is my grad student going into her 4th year, Tracy a technician who started in October and is becoming a  Physiology grad student at the end of the summer. Davis Blanton, a 1st year medical student rotating to get research experience, and Jon DeAntonio, back for his 4th summer to help us out. I am lucky to have such a good group to work with.

Anyway, moving back to more personal stuff….

Easter egg hunt at Viquest. Jani had to work on this particular Saturday and so I thought I would be bold and take the kids to the easter egg hunt at Viquest. Although there were WAY more people than I thought, thing worked out reasonable well.  Rowan walked on the grass to get the hot dog lunch for him and his sister, then they went way across to go on the big blow-up slide thing. Aside from the fact that some woman and her child cut in front of them and there wasn’t anything I could do about it at that distance, Rowan went down the slide, then went back to retrieve his shoes and his sister (she was apparently too small to be eligible) and they came back to me. Then we went to the park area for the hunt. It was quite insane how people were urging their kids to get every possible egg  and so the first round wasn’t all that fruitful. We all wen to another yard for Encis age kids and they were much more successful. It was fun. They were good kids and I think they had fun…almost as much as me! So important to me to try to preserve their childhood. They have been through so much. We think that children are not aware of “adult” things but they are. Too much.

For Jani’s 40th birthday we took a trip to Hilton Head. Going to the beach wasn’t as easy as we had thought it would be but Jani made sure we enjoyed it.  He put me on aa lounge chair under an umbrella so I would crispify, Rowan was in the water about 99.8% of the time, and Encsi had fun people watching, talking to whoever would engage her, and playing in the sand.  It was complicated for me since we didn’t take some of the things I use on daily basis but now we know.

Mother’s Day was lovely. The kids made cards and magent pix for me and I still have them out. Of course, they will be preserved for all posterity. Now I know why my mom still drinks her coffee out of the mug I got for her some 30 years ago and never lets anyone (esp my dad who has a “tendency” to break stuff) touch it!

Jani’s 40th birthday…we had planned on spending Jani’s 40th (Mon May 25th) in Cabo alone together because we were going to go for Girish and Brenda’s wedding (Sat May 23rd). However, they had postponed this to October because of the swine flu. Poor kids. So much planning and so much anticipation. On our end, we had gotten a flight ticket for Peti, our nephew (Edit’s son) to come stay with them kids. Rowan was excited and Encsi is pretty mellow about that kind of thing.  We are hoping to be able to go in October but we have to see if we’ll be able to get someone to come stay with the kids since Rowan will be back in school.

Speaking of school….Rowan’s last day at school was supposed to be a half day on June 9th but it was actually June 8th since they were off to Hungary June 9th.  Unfortunately, the weather was yucky so they had to spend the might in Raleigh because their flight got cancelled. But they made it and have had a fantastic time as far as I can tell. They are on thier way home right now and so we’ll have more stories on this later….

As for my expereiences coping without them…..Khaled came to babysit – this is how I described it when he said he wanted to come. I thought there was a conspiracy going on between Jani and Khaled. conversation: Kaden to dad: “so you’re going on a babysitting trip?” Khaled: “your aunt is capable of taking care of herself. Kaden: “no she is going to babysit you because YOU’RE A BABY!” Nice!!  We had a great time – went to watch game 7 of the Stanley cup finals at BW3s- devastating that Red Wings lost. Went shopping the next day at the Fresh Market, then out to LA lounge martini bar where we ran into Jess and her boyfriend Patrick who joined us for a bit, then we enjoyed a late dinner of blue point oysters and paella at the Starlight Cafe (special place for me for many reasons). Sunday went to theater to see Hangover and in the evening, he bbq’d outstanding prime filet mignon, red beets, and vegetable kabobs. Crazy yummy. I’m so glad he came.  We haven’t had time alone together in 10 years….since the swim-up bar and shark dive in the Bahamas at Christmas when we went with mom and dad.  Even though it is wonderful to get together with our families, it was such a special time I will treasure very much.  It was exactly what I needed.

Megan, Melissa, Marsha, and Julie came to RDU on Friday June 19th. Megan made reservation for us at the Umstead hotel a few miles from the airport. I made it home ,packed things up and was able to get to the ariport to pick up the first 3 (Julie came very late but do you think that we were sleeping? of course not!). The hotel suite was fabulous.  Megan is our officially Betty planner for life…the rest of us can just barely get ourselves there!  Anyway, we spent the entire next day roasting by the pool. It was so nice…and so were the peach coladas! Then we went for dinner to “an”, an Asian fusion with European influence. It was super yummy and only 0.9mi from the hotel! So we enjoyed that immensely and went back to the room later to chill and talk more. The next morning, we had breakfast on the veranda and Marsha and I took the other 3 to the airport. Then Marsha and I found a little deli and had coffee and chatted for a bit longer. They don’t know this but I cried on my way home. Not only because I was sad to see them go so fast but also because I love them and I appreciate that they are so thoughtful. They came here last year to the house to spend Betty weekend and this year, I got to venture but close enough to home that if anything was problematic, I could have returned. They look after me but never indicate that they do. I don’t know if they discuss it. They wouldn’t tell me if I asked. But they know I love them and I am grateful for their friendship in ways I could never articulate.

Other little triumphs:

#1  I went to get my hair done. This is not new. I mean, I have done this before on my own but things have been INSANE this semster so I haven’t been since January. Jackie doesn’t chide me but she silently shakes her head and cuts off the garbage.

#2 I got my teeth cleaned. I have not been to the dentist since before the accident. Jani found an office over on Red Banks by Betsy’s office and so I made an appt back in April for June. I couldn’t get up the walkway and through the door so I called the front desk and a couple of the hygenists came out to help me. I was able to trasfer to their chair, get reclined, and feel the glory of having my teeth scoured.  When I say “glory” , I know full well how most people wince when they think of the metal picks scraping thier teeth. I have always been one of those. But not having had my teetch cleaned for about 2 years, I was happy to be there. The hygenist I had was really very nice and Dr. Coc spent time telling me the pros and cons of whitening with commercial products versus their treatment.

#3 I went shopping at the Fresh Market by myself. I pushed one of those little carts with 2 baskets on it through the store and got a bunch of stuff for my family for their arrival. Which is now about 5 hours away (it is 9pm). 

So many other things I need to say…the kindness people show at Fresh Market, the people I work with in the lab, I haven’t talked to Ionia folks – Rob, Cindy, or Cathy yet but I hope to soon.  So much to be thankful for.  Teresa and Dave came by yesterday to groom the yard when I was gone grocery shopping. I came home to them just finishing and was quite overwhelmed (surprising from the woman who was mowing the lawn at the other house 3 days before giving birth to Encsi…she wouldn’t come out and it was DEFINITELY WAY PAST time!). So then we went to go see Transformers (which was AWESOME!) in that afternoon. When I was taking them home, I casually asked Dave (knowing that is it his first language) about the engine light in my “limo”. So he spent about 27 seconds diagnosing, went to the auto parts store, and fixed it in 49sec.  

So I am glad to be able to take care of myself well enough that Jani and the kids can go and enjoy themselves without worrying about me.  I know that Jani wished for me to be with them but I really strongly felt that after all he has been through, he deserved to have time with his family without worry about me and how to get me around and where to keep me. They are fantastic people. On my end, it was good to be able to figure out what I can do. Jani does everything and doesn’t mind. But I used to be like that too and so even though my body doesn’t cooperate as well as it used to, my soul needed to try. Having my brother here the first weekend was great because I felt now only blissful to have his company but safe going out with him. Going to be with the girls the next weekend was great because I felt that after my brother was here and I had been alone for 10 days, I gained the courage and strength I needed to test my boundaries.  This weekend by myself at home I needed too. I know ther are going to be many times in my future when Jani and the kids are going to go do stuff without me but now I know also that there is a lot I can do because I am not only that same old me but I am Jani’s wife and you all know what that means…where there is a will, there is at least one way!

xxxoxoxox

Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day!!! Love from the Virags!

This week has been very tough and so I am not going to write everything I have on mind.  There are some stories to tell and so I will come back soon.

I will start with some warmth though….yesterday morning after Jani went to work, I got up and went to get the kids up and ready for school and daycare. I went in and just sat there for a few minutes, listening to them breathe and watching them sleep. It is so hard not be able to get to them to snuggle and smell them but I imagine myself doing it.  After I put them to sleep last night, I did the same thing before I went to bed. So incredibly peaceful. This is what I needed this week and what I extend to those I love.

When I say it has been a tough week, for me physically, the difficulty is only inconvenience and so that I will tell you about later.  Emotionally, things have been much harder.  I don’t want to go into detail about these things right now but I would truly appreciate if you would keep some people in your thoughts - my brother Khaled and his wife Mervie and their kids, and Ann Kleese and her family.  We all go through difficult times in life – the only differences  are what and when. When I think about what I have lost, the only way to keep sane is to look at what I have – my family and friends and all the amazing experiences I have had with them and because of them and the ones I am able to have now with them and because of them.  Life is as rich and fulfilling as you make it to be, as you FEEL it to be, and how you cope with the curve balls so that they don’t reduce your abilty to appreciate that richness.  The mind and heart take varying amounts of time to mend depending on the situation.  I may have mentioned this before: Priscilla gave me a very useful piece of advice in the card she sent me at Christmas last year – mourn my loss.  I was so busy at Shepherd I hadn’t thought about it but it came at a good time since I had been going through rehab for over a month and still had about a month to go.  Everyone has their own way of doing it and there is no recipe or right or wrong. Crying and pounding the walls of my roll in shower helped.  Keeping busy helps now – living the life I love with the family I love and doing the work I love.  When you experience loss though, there is only a certain amount or part of it that you can deal with in a particular period and then move on. There are varying degrees of loss and this complicates things.  This is compounded by the fact that we have memories and so reminders pop up when you least expect them, but sometimes there are constant, agonizing reminders.  Everyday I drive over the overpass where I was hit.  When I’m alone in my van, there are times when I scream at it. This is one of my outlets.  No one likes to see me cry but it makes me feel better.  Determination is key and for this I have the best reason and energy source - I am not going to allow this to take away from the wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend that I want to be. That I was before.  This physically limitation is hard enough but the mental and emotional ones I have some control over and so I do my best.  This mode simply does not allow me to keep up with what is in my heart.  This blog helps because it reaches all of you that I physically cannot.  I am unable to express how much that means to me.

As many of you might know, this coming Sunday is my 39th birthday. I have so much to be thankful for I could just burst.  Love will lighten the weight of the trials of this week. Thank you so much for keeping me and those I love in your hearts. I hope I can return the energy someday to be there for you when you need me.

The first was at Dave and Teresa’s house. They were hosting a party for Dave’s colleagues at Keller Williams Realty.  I have never met these folks and yet, when they heard about the accident, they rallied for me and gave donations to Dave to pass on to us. And not just once. There were many occassions that Dave would bring an envelope by the house even after I got home.  Anyway, we packed everyone up in the van and drove up the street to their home. They were having part of the festivities in the garage (awards ceremony) and so I rolled in there for a bit. I got to meet and personally thank them for their thoughts and help. It really meant a lot to me. It was quite overwhelming actually. I talked to a few people, gave some hugs, and thanked everyone but when I started to speak I choked. I could only muster a thanks. I hope they all know how much I truly appreciate their warmth and help despite my lack of ability to accurately convey it!!!

The other Christmas party I went to was the annual party that Drs. Lust have at their home for the Physiology department. Jess and Laura came to the house to make sure I could get the kids together and to help me unload and look after them once there. Well, when we arrived, Laura’s husband Gene took the ramp out of the back but it wouldn’t reach up the steps. So Bob and Rob and a few others had me lock up my wheels and pulled a Cleopatra dais manuever on me! Strange to entrust myself to others to that degree (and worse coming down – I closed my eyes!!!) but it was well worth it!! The kids had a blast- Encsi managed to finagle chocolate/sweets from pretty much everyone, and there were plenty of other kids there for them to play with. I got to talk to people I don’t get to see very much and it was really a lovely evening. Thsi was the first time I have seen Carol Lust since I got home. It was very nice, although the words still don’t make it past the lump in my throat to thank her and Bob for what they did for me.  I am sorry that Jani had to miss it although things certainly would have been different if my Hungarian lift was there! I am fortunate to work with such good (and strong!) people who are clever and willing to help me out.

So I continue to have lots of thanks to give!!!

Things have been crazy since Thanksgiving…..

My health:  I actually spent Thanksgiving in the hospital. I had a minor outpatient procedure a few days before and things went awry and I ended up in an ambulance to the ER the night before. I got home Friday before noon and have since recouperated fairly well but not yet at 100%.  No sense of smell yet and no indication that my pituitary function is getting better. The diabetes insipidus (the reason I am taking the intranasal desmopressin) is something I will just have to live with.

My family: Kids are fabulous. Rowan just went back to school after being home for 2 weeks and when we were on our way, I asked if he was excited and he said yes. He took some chocolates for a few of his teachers (he asked to do that!). Encsi’s language skills are phenomenal. She puts lots of words together, understands everything (and only response favorably to what she likes!) and wields words that it seems a 2.5 year old shouldn’t even know! Such a remendous pleasure they are. More beautiful by the minute.

They enjoyed having family here for the holiday. We made everyone stay here with us – not the Hilton but we had fun! My parents came 19-26th and Khaled, Mervie, Kaden, Kyan, and Kellan came 23-28th. The kids had a blast playing outside togther. Uncle Jani built fires in the pit a few times so there were plenty of s’mores -Kyan made one for his mommy, myself, and nana (this was her first ever!).  I took everyone (except Auntie Mervie – I’ll get to that in a minute) for a ride in the sticks on my Recon (the 4-wheeler). The stories I heard from each kid were quite funny. Kyan (aka “rubbermade” because he is adventurous and indestructable) was the first to hop on with me. He saw a dead fish hanging from a tree and we decided it was there because someone was trying to lure a bear in to catch it. Kaden continued that story line by saying that someone on his moms side of the family has a deer head mounted on their wall and so he thought that was why they wanted to catch the bear.  Mom was disgusted because I don’t wear googles. Apparently Walker isn’t to thrilled about that either and I think he mentioned wearing a helmet. A helmet I get, but goggles?  It isn’t like I’m going on the road and cruising fast. Just leisurely meandering through the trees I love so much. I can still imagine how nice it smells.

Anyway, we had a wonderful time. Between Papa shopping everyday and Nana trying to keep up with the supply and demand by cooking, we ate like royalty. I couldn’t smell the apple strudel but it tasted pretty good! Our neighbors, the Adamses, have an incredible display of Christmas lights and blow up decorations on their lawn. So Christmas Eve, I loaded the kids and Auntie Mervie (for crowd control – she is little but she does teach high schoolers and so learn fast that you DO NOT want to see her mad) into the van and took them to see it. Khaled took nana and papa. Uncle Jani stayed behind to keep an eye on the stove. When we returned about 15 min later, Uncle Jani was sweeping the carport and moved ahead of me when I pulled in. Since it was dark, all the Christmas lights were so pretty and we could see the lights on the Christmas tree that was in the window of the dining area just ahead. Well, what we saw then was truly spectacular! Santa Claus was putting presents under the tree! So I pulled forward a bit and before you could say Ho-Ho-Ho, all 3 kids in the back had their belts undone and were plastered against the window of the van waving at Santa! He winked at us, quickly finished putting the gifts under the tree, and then before we could back up, park, and get my slow derriere into my chair and out of the van, he had slipped out the back and on to the next house. Wow! What a cool thing to have gotten a glimpse of! Our kids must have been REALLY good this year. And I think it probably took him longer to put all the gifts there than it did for the kids to unwrap them! No such thing as taking turns when you’ve got ages 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, 5, and soon to be 7!! Auntie Mervie made nana this cool bracelet with black and white pix of each of the grandkids. Well, there were 6 frames. Uh-oh. We are hoping that clump of cells in that ultrasound image is XX and not a fourth XY!! So a very Merry Christmas was had by all!!!

So I’m going to flash back for a moment – last December I was still in the hospital. Nicle and Dave came to see us and we all went to the museum together. They moved from Seattle to Minneapolis and are doing well. Bill and Rachel from Seabrook, Tx came with their kids to see us and bring the proceeds from the generous auction/party that Susan and Kevin held for me. Christmas was lovely. I got to spend it with Jani and the kids and my parents. Todd and Megan not only loaned us their house, they put up a tree and loaned Jani a car to get me there and back. I had a “day pass” from Shepherd. I remember the kids running around, my mom in the mitchen, and Jani outside manning the BBQ. I remember Encsi trying to climb up next to me to get on the couch and when she couldn’t and I wasn’t strong enough to help, Rowan hopped off and gave her a boost. I read the “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” to them. The gifts we received from so many people. Thank you again. I may not be able to adequately express my gratitude but I will certainly always remember.  Many of the nurses in the hospital commented on how many visitors, packages, and mail I got. They said there were people there that had none of that. Some families can’t afford the time or money to leave their lives to visit a loved one in rehab. I will never forget all of you and I will never stop being thankful for each of you. Even those I have not yet had the chance to talk to. There are friends of mine from Ionia high school like Cathy O’Malley, Cindy Bollinger (now Munchy), and Rob Banhagel that I have been in touch with through e-mail or phone messages but not actually connected to – yet! Please don’t give up on me!! Rob, if you see this please call me again! I lost your number!!  One thing I need everyone to understand is that things take me longer. I am busy with my family and work but what is really limiting is that since I need my hands to move, even though I carry my cell phone with me everywhere, I can’t walk and talk like I used to. I do text people often because I can do that in an elevator since it is short and quick. E-mail too since Jess gave me her old Dell Axim PDA that goes everywhere with me too.

I’m not even going to say it was too short because that is given and when you think about life, the good times ALWAYS go too fast.  I’m just glad there are good times.  Things could be so much worse. I certainly have my moments. There is so much I need and want to do. Even though this is very difficult and some may wonder about my quality of life, if you lived a day in my shoes, there would be no reason wonder. Rowan just got home from schol and Jani took him ice skating. I remember Christmas of 2006 being up on the island and getting skates for Rowan and Kaden for Christmas and going to Kingston to sakte in the town square. Hope and Jay were there with Jed and Aiden and then Hope came to the Toucan to hang with us a bit.  So yes this really  hurts because I can’t take Rowan skating anymore. But I will watch him, encourage him, and expose him to as many of these fun things as possible and watch him take ownership of whatever he enjoys. Encsi too. They are such wonderful little monsters and I am glad to be their mom and I will be the best I can.

Work stuff: I resubmitted a manuscript to AJP-Heart&Circ in early Dec and got it back a few weeks later.  They didn’t accept or reject it. They want me to respond to comments and they will send it back to the reviewers. So we’ll see.  Also, I submitted a grant to NIH today and so that is a huge load off. Bob helped tremendously with that and he and Jian are co-PIs on it. Now we have to wait until July for the review. Time will fly between now and then though. Here is a snapshot of what 2009 has in store : Jess is in the process of writing a pre-doc fellowship proposal to submit to AHA at the end of the month; Kaden will be 7 on Feb 6th; the McDevitt’s are coming Feb 11-15th; Hans is coming at the end of March; I get to teach endocrine and reproductive to the med students (3 weeks total in Mar-Apr); Jani is turning 40 on May 25th and so hopefully he’ll celebrate with his family in Hungary; Kellan will be 2 on May 4th, Rowan will be done his first year of school June 9th; Khaled and Mervie will be celebrating 10 years together  on June 23rd which is also Kyan’s 4th birthday; Encsi will be 3 July 24th; Mervie is due in early August , then Rowan will start 1st grade in late August….and so goes the cycle of life!!!

So this is all I have time for right now. My resolution for the new year is to make more peace with myself on this and be positive for those that love and support me. Thank you for being one of those reasons for why I am here and want to be strong.

This is might be short just to catch everyone up. Hopefully at some point during this holiday season I’ll get some time to elaborate! If you read the last 4 entries, you know that Jani, Khaled, and Bob also wrote to update you on their perspectives on things on the 1 year anniversary of the accident. I am glad to have all of them in my life and I greatly appreciate their words. While all 3 are supportive and optimistic, I know it is tough for them and I am so lucky to have them looking out for me.

Health is fine but still no sense of smell or sign of normal pituitary function returning.

Life since October:

Jani graduated and is now a ifrefighter. He passed his EMT exam and so one day soon he will start going out on the ambulance too.

Kids are awesome. Rowan is doing fine in school although he says he is kind of bored but we figure that is because he has to sit still and listen. Jani’s son! He was raised being outside except when eating or sleeping and so he’d rather dig holes, find wood for a bonfire,….   Encsi started at PCCC child developnent center and she loves it and we are very happy about that. Miss Sarah and Mrs. LaNeave enjoy having her there and she is getting exposed to lots of different things.

So here is what has been going on here:

Emilia who came from Mexico in July to live in with us took off without telling us shortly before Jani graduated. We had taken in her friend to keep her company and we tried to find a job for her but we couldn’t and we couldn’t afford to keep them both even though we weren’t paying the friend. So they were both home with Encsi all day (and still often couldn’t manage to cook more than opening a few cans or making macaroni and cheese) and then Rowan 3-5pm and we never saw them because they didn’t get up until 5 min before we all had to leave in the morning and then they went to English classes from 6-9 Mon-Thurs. They packed up all there stuff while we were gone int othe Isuzu, told Jani they were going out with a friend, went to meet her and then she followed them back and they dropped off the car just as I was getting home from work, they never came to say goodbye to me and left and never came back. We found the note the next evening when Jani knocked on the door and got no answer. We are actually glad they are gone because they were teenage girls. They were kind to the kids but they didn’t like being outside (well, other than sitting on the patio) and were more concerned with texting/talking their friend and boyfriends than interacting with us as a family. We tried by having dinner for them and with them, have them join in on family things, but they often didn’t come out of their room on the weekends unless they were going to eat or go shopping. Anyway no big loss. Just bad timing and crappy that they didn’t tell us they were leaving after Jani specifically told them that we would need time to work on finding a replacement and she agreed to wait for us to do so. So much for that!

So we have been very busy juggling schedules trying to get everyone to where they need to be and when. When Jani works, I come home early and wait for Rowan in my van in the driveway and we go pick Encsi up. Then in the morning I get them both ready and get Rowan to school for 7:45am and take Encsi to meet daddy at the firestation for when he gets off work at 8am so he can take her to PCCC. So we’re managing. Jani keeps things flowing smoothly.  

I went to a grant review study section in Reston, VA for a couple of days. Teresa came with me and everything went very smoothly. I enjoyed being there – met good people and learned a lot.

Jani’s sister was here Oct 21-Nov 3rd and that was awesome. She is a riot and she really helped so much. It is nice – we are not be able to communicate but we still “get” each other. And she LOVES the kids and they her. I am happy that she came for Jani’s sake - they are close and he was grateful for the help. She experienced Halloween for the first time. We went over to Lynndale to meet us with Gabor and his kids which we never did but we did enjoy going around there. They really did things up over there and there were lots of kids so it was really fun!! Encsi got the hang of it REALLY fast. A man in a vampire outfit tried to spook her and she laughed at him!

I went to vote. I took my new republican tech, Tracy from Texas and my ultra-conservative republican student Jess with me to early voting. They thought that 2 against my 1 might increase their chances. Ha!

On Nov 6th, Marilyn came to visit us for the evening. She had been canvassing in Raleigh for Obama and so when it was over she had some time to come see us. For those of you who don’t/wouldn’t know, Marilyn was a PhD student in Chuck’s lab when I was a post-doc out in Seattle. It was great fun seeing her and spending time catching up.

My dear friend Julie Ponthier (we went to grad school in New Orleans together) who lives in Australia now with her family called us out of the blue one night.  She has beautiful kids and a fabulous husband and we miss them terribly and were hoping to get to come and visit them but I’m not too sure about that for a while. We certainly live vicariously through them!

It has snowed here a couple of times recently. On Friday when I was taking the kids out to the van, we were out there a little early and so I told them to go out from under the carport and run around. They were thrilled and it was cute. My little southern babies!! Speaking of which, Rowan does immitate the accent scarily well. When you talk to me, ask me and I’ll tell you the story.

As for me, I am keeping busy. Things at work are shifting around a bit because 3 of the 4 new faculty members are here and the 4th is coming shortly. It is good to have new folks. They are all really bright and enthusiastic and so it will be fun to come up with new stuff to work on together.

My family is coming for Christmas and I’m REALLY excited about that. I haven’t seen my parents, sister-in-law, or nephews since February and so it will be wonderful to have them all here.

Anyway, I have to run now because Encsi just woke up and Jani is working today. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts – I’m still drawing strength from you!

Big love to all of you!!

I am gratefulRowan and Encsi have their mommy.  She is happy to take care of them.  I am so happy they are able to hug and kiss each other.  We grow older together this way,  we are all together.  Rowan said when I will have no more strength to lift mommy he will be very strong and will do all the work.  He even started eating like a champ for that very reason. 

Here I am worried about all of them all the time.  I guess this is something I haven’t learned how to overcome.  I sometimes wonder if it was the right decision to get a full time job at this time, when I could be so much help at home.  But then I remind myself the reason why I applied for this – , so it is O.K. 

I wish you to know I am not forgetting anybody’s kindness.  All those who helped and continue to help us, please know my heart goes out to you.  I love you.  And I love you my Luftika, Roro, and Encsi.

About 5 or 6 weeks ago, as she approached the anniversary date of her injury, Jitka asked me to consider writing something for the blog.  My first reaction was actually surprise.  I’d become used to the idea that the blog was a place to go to for status updates while she was away, and it hadn’t really occurred to me that it was something ongoing now that she has been back.  I can verify that she is indeed back to work, hard-headed and stubborn as ever… she has resumed her practice of terrorizing the chairman on a regular basis!

A year is a lot of time to compress into a few words, but I’ll try and provide some snap-shots, some impressions, and perhaps those who know, or have known Jitka will see something in it that resonates with them.

Since the accident, all of us have seen the true measure of humanity that surrounds us… many of you reading this are part of it, although it seems that Jani and Jitka invoke a particular brand of generosity and kindness in others that is uniquely robust and truly remarkable to see.

It seems so long ago now that Jitka’s life was so suddenly changed, and yet it is clear that so many things are just beginning… Jitka is only recently an independent driver again, Jani (as of about 4 days ago) is a newly minted fireman with an honest to goodness steady job, Rowan has just started school, and so on…  Life has caught up to those free-spirits, as it inevitably will to us all, and Jitka has to come to grips with the fact that her vehicle is a VAN and not a sports car, that her recurring worries revolve around day care, that Jani has to worry more about structural concerns that don’t involve building the best chicken coop in the back yard, and so on and so on.   The ordinary concerns that exist for so many of us, that Jitka and Jani seemed to avoid so well, have become a greater reality for them as well.  On the other hand, they will still try and sort out daycare with live in teenage nannies recruited from Mexico, before those mundane ways the rest of us have had to address child care!

For me, I find great comfort that Jitka’s irrepressible nature is still present in her sense of humor.  If she thinks I’m having issues with anyone, she offers to run their toes over with her wheel chair!

One day, as we were walking out to her van, she had mentioned Kal, and I asked her how he had done on his boards.   She gave me this look, as if to say what are you talking about (actually she does that a lot!), and I mentioned that while Kal had been coming down to be with her, he was also preparing to take his sub-specialty board exams.  She kept giving me this look as if to say “surely you’ve lost your mind” since Kal had never mentioned it to her.  I said ‘did you ask?”, and she said something like “should I?”, to which I responded jokingly that “you know, not everything is always about you”, and we had a great laugh.

By the way Kal, congratulations!  Jitka did follow up and told me you’d done very, very well.

Just today, Jitka attended a doctoral thesis defense by one of our graduate students.  The topic of the work was spinal cord injury, and while I told her she didn’t need to be present if she wasn’t ready, she wanted to be there, and was able to handle some very graphic discussions of the consequences of spinal cord injury.  As a relatively recent survivor or a severe spinal cord injury, her emotional strength continues to amaze me.

It seems like little things, and the more I reflect, the more things creep in… in a moment of insanity, agreeing to keep her company by doing a 5K in wheel chair with her… her willingness to trust me helping her maneuver a chair up and down a curb so we could go to a reception… through it all, the humor is ever-present.  And now, as ever, she still can laugh at herself better than most people I’ve ever met.

There is melancholy as well… Sharing a laugh with Jitka now is little different than it was… the sense of humor is as edgy as ever, but now that the abdominal muscles aren’t there to support it, the deep, hearty, belly laugh has been replaced with a throaty chuckle. On the other hand, her face is even more expressive, as are her eyes.  In quiet moments, sometimes that air of invincibility so typical of Jitka now also has just of hint of vulnerability… but then she rams you with her wheel chair, and the moment passes.

I’m not sure how one commemorates an anniversary such as this, but I do know that my life, at least, continues to be enriched by having Jitka in it, and I am so pleased that she has been able to rebound as well as she has, and that she has chosen to return to work.

Now, if I could just get her to write those dang papers!!!

Bob

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-          to put it on the bridge at the accident site for the day

-          bury at least part of it in the backyard and plant flowers on it

-          send this poor Bear Valley Marin with Shimano parts and knobby tires to the metal yard

None of these happened. When I saw it all I could do was stare. It looked worse than the pictures. I cried a fair bit. Rowan told me not to be sad because he would buy me another one – an orange one! – with his piggy bank savings! Encsi patted me and said “awww mommy no crying”.  Jani didn’t want me to torture myself by dwelling on the past but rather concentrate on the future. But I needed to reflect today. I remember buying the yellow star hand grips. I remember Stefi bringing orange reflectors for the spokes from Germany (only the one on the front tire remains). Even though the yellow backpack had a big tear and was quite tattered and so I got rid of it, I still have the Deuter rainproof sheath she and Hans brought from Germany for me as well. Jani bought me a bell and a bigger softer seat when I got pregnant with Rowan because I rode until I was about 4 months pregnant and I couldn’t comfortably reach the handle bars anymore!  Anyway, we decided to keep it as it is for a while. Maybe it will come in handy for awareness education. Such a big part of my life I just can’t part with it. While this is an extremely emotionally taxing day for me (and the days leading up to this have admittedly been tough too), I have to balance it out by thinking of other things  – my unbelievable husband and precious children, my stupendous brother and parents, exceptional extended family members, fabulous old and new friends…all of you and your thoughts, love, and generosity that really have brought me to where I am. I could not have done it without you and I continue to progress because of you. Mon raison d’être! I can say thanks in a few languages, use lots of emphatic adjectives to drive home my sincerity, and wish away all the anguish you all have suffered along with me with every ounce of my being but none seem sufficient to express what I feel in my heart. Much love to all of you!! So while you are joining me in feeling sad for my loss today, please also join me in feeling happiness for what I have because I will continue to live heartily!

I have tons of other stuff to catch you up on but today is just not that kind of day.

It has been a while since I have written on the blog.  I wish you all well.  What had initially begun as a way to communicate Jitka’s condition to everyone has since developed into so much more.  I remember, initially how difficult to type it was, through my blurry eyes.  It was better than speaking, which was impossible.  This blog became a way to share my thoughts and feelings…my prayers and fears, with everyone that I cared about-including myself.  Surprisingly, it seemed that the whole town (and country for that matter) caught onto the blog and I would get e-mail after e-mail from people whom we had never met offering help, prayer and encouragement.  This blog has transcended it’s capacity as simply a form of communication and has become an instrument displaying the goodness of humanity.  If anything positive has come of this situation, I think that we have learned low truly and intrinsically kind and generous people are.  

I am so glad that my fears were not realized and that Jitka is still with us.  She has come so far in the past year.  It seems that the time has flown.  She recently had a trip to a scientific meeting.  She wanted to go alone and stay by herself.  Just last week.  That’s when I realized that Jitka was getting back to herself!  You see, no matter how difficult something may be, if Jitka sets her mind to it, there is little hope of convincing her of otherwise.  Very loveably stubborn as how I would describe it.  A year out, and she is still making progress in leaps and bounds.

Well, what about me?  A year later I have learned some very important lessons.  For so long I was living to work.  Now I work to live.  So many times that I should have just taken time to go visit my sister and I thought that I just couldn’t get away.  No more-I have a second chance.  I will spend every moment with my wife, my children, my parents and my sister and her family and my friends that I can.  Everything else that we worry about; the job, the house, the bills, the 401K, are a waste of time.  So called stress.  Stress is fighting for your life.  Those other things are inconveniences.  I learned that there are some magnificent, selfless people in the world.  There is a large concentration of them surrounding Jitka!  Thank you so much for taking care of my sister.  

May God bless you all.  Gratefully, Kal

Everyone here is doing alright. Jani is making his way through the firefighter training and has one more month left. During this time he will have some state exams and once he passes those, he will be official. Rowan is really enjoying school and doing great. I would swear Encsi got taller over night last weekend and she is learning a bunch of new words each day. I know I say this every time I update the blog but I can’t stress enough how glad I am to be with them. They are such a source of happiness and peace to me in all this.

As far as my health goes, I am not feeling too hot these last few days because got a cold. I can’t cough the way I did when my diaphragm worked and my strength is low but Jani has really done a lot to keep the family operations going and given me lots of chances to rest so hopefully it won’t take weeks to get through it like it did when I was in the hospital. Otherwise, my fluid balance seems to be much improved since Khaled suggested that I increase my desmopressin does and at last check, my blood sodium was good.

Last Monday Sept 8^th was Bunko night. I have been very fortunate to be able join in the fun for a few of these nights at other people’s houses and the support and help I get from the ladies continues to amaze me. When I pull up, several women come out – a few grab the ramp from the back of the van and put it to the stairs while others help me into the house. Someone always makes sure that if I can’t get to something, they get it for me. I really enjoy these nights very much.

On Tuesday night there was a Rehab Social that the Outpatient Rehab clinic put on. People who had been patients there and their families were invite to come a visit with the wonderful folks who took such good care of them. I adore the people there and so it was a nice opportunity to visit with them.

On Saturday it was Rowan’s birthday and we needed to get some things at Sam’s club before people arrived. Before that, we went to a benefit at the Jaycee Park for the Dream Factory where the local firefighters and police were raising money by competing to see which organization could get more heads shaved! As it turns out, one of the firefighters’ wives recognized Jani and then me because she took care of me in the ICU. Her name was Kristen and she was a very energetic kind woman and was so glad to see me recovering so well. It was wonderful to hear. She encouraged me to go back to see the folks at PCMH because they would be glad to see how far I have come. Frankie and I have talked about this and I have wanted to go back since I got home but everytime I start to even talk about it I get overwhelmed with emotion. I don’t think that will change any time soon though and I would like to thank all the people that helped me and put up with me!

In the afternoon, we celebrated Rowan’s 5^th birthday with friends – Gabor and Judit came with their 3 kids Izzy, Vince, and Lily, Scot and Logan came, Penny brought her 2 girls Ana and Carla, Dave joined us, Shannon came with Daniel and Taylor, Tonya brought Jordan, and  Teresa and Dave joined in for a bit as well. It was a wonderful crowd and even though we asked people not bring stuff, they did anyway and of course, Rowan was very grateful for that. We all enjoyed it.

On Sunday, it was Estefania’s 19^th birthday. Jani BBQ’d, Gabor and Vince dropped by for a bit, and then Emilia sang a birthday song in Spanish and the rest of us sang Happy Birthday in English and celebrated with some cheesecake!

Tuesday night, Jani put me onto Encsi’s bed so I could snuggle with her before she went to sleep. Since she was still in the crib in the other house and graduated from the Pack and Play about 5 months ago, this was the first time I did this and it was wonderful. I really miss being able to do this kind of thing. The chair is not the warmest spot to snuggle.

As far as work goes, this week was busy.  I interviewed some people for a tech position in my lab. We had good applicants and so hopefully this issue will be resolved soon. In October, I will be serving on a grant review panel. Jani didn’t think I could pull off traveling on my own and was not happy about it. When he mentioned this to Teresa  and I explained what the plan was, she immediately offered to accompany me. This is a big relief to everyone since it is my first excursion not only away from home but away from Jani.  I don’t know how I have been so fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life.

Well, I realize this is a short addition but my head is not happy about looking at the computer screen and so I will try to rest a bit more before bathing and dinner rolls around so I can help with that.

Have a great weekend everyone!

If you see me driving and I don’t wave, it is because I need to use both my hands to drive – right for steering, left for the brake/gas!

If we don’t answer or return calls or e-mails in a timely fashion, it isn’t because we didn’t get them or don’t care – there just aren’t enough hours in the day! Thank you for thinking of us when you do and please keep trying!

I have a chance to write today as tropical storm Hanna cruises to the west of us. Fortunately, the only thing that happened to us was that we were without power for a couple of hours this morning (Saturday). Jani was called in to back up the regular staff because they went to other places to help out and so we was gone for about 24h. With the help of Emilia and Estefania, and Rowan being a big boy helper, we managed just fine.

Once again, I have much to tell you about and all are very important and special to me so no particular order.

My health – fluid management seems much better since dr. kal recommended to increase the dose of ddAVP. I had a blood draw on Friday and so we’ll see how my serum sodium is fairing. No sense of smell yet. Strength and independence are good – got put to the test Friday night because Jani had to go to work and then be at the fire station all night. I did all the transfers I needed to do on my own (my soldier helped me of course!) and did not kiss the floor! Whohooo!!!

So I left you last by saying that my good friend Hope and her family were going to spend a week at Nags Head and the following weekend (Labor Day) Khaled was coming to visit….

It was so great to see them all and to meet Carmen (15 mo) for the first time. She and Encsi played and the boys all romped in the water and had a blast. Hope and I have known each other for about 20 years and so it was really wonderful to spend time with someone who just gets it. Her husband Jay is awesome (they have been together since high school) and their kids are absolutely gorgeous and sweet. It was a short visit but wonderful!

As I have mentioned before, we all endure hardship of various forms. It is how we cope with it – live our lives and appreciate what we have – that determines the quality with which we spend our days. There are not too many people I know that don’t have some reason to be bitter if they chose to be. The fact that they aren’t is because of their strength of character and the love they have from  and for so many. I am lucky to be part of such a fabulous group of people.

Khaled’s visit was WAY too short but of course really tremendous. I was able to drive the van to the Raleigh airport to pick him up and so I felt a good feeling of accomplishment not to mention I was ecstatic to have him here for the long weekend! Saturday we took him to the beach and I’m pretty sure I was the envy of all that could see – Jani picked me up and Khaled took the tube to the water and they both held onto me so the waves wouldn’t roll and toss me around. I was in heaven!!!

Sunday I was “assisted” (did I mention that I have a really handsome Hungarian crane?) onto the 4-wheeler and got to ride my brother around – up the street, through the trees….as  much as it is not our style, we enjoyed the time together! He told me it smelled like pine.

Monday was a chill day. Jani made us all a nice breakfast of fresh eggs and then Scot and Logan came to join in the fun for a bit. Jani took Rowan and Logan on the 4-wheeler together and drove them around the yard. After lunch, we got into the van and drove uncle Khaled back to the airport. Mommy cried. Can’t even think about it now. We have been close for many years now but for those of you who know both of us, you know how important we are to each other. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful brother. It is amazing he still speaks to me considering that I was such a terrible big sister when we were younger (we are almost 6 years apart)!!

Tuesday morning I had an appointment with Dr. Reeg and the x-rays show that everything is good.  He checked my spine and my hip where the donor site is and fortunately, I don’t have any pain.  We had a very good discussion about the advances in science and technology.  I told him about the ReWalk.  The week before, Shaun Reece had forwarded this link to Mike VanScott and wasn’t sure about forwarding it to me because he didn’t know how sensitive I am about this. In fact, I think this is phenomenal and so I immediately forwarded it to many people.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1049215/Paralysed-man-walks-thanks-Robocop-style-exoskeleton.html?printingPage=true

The responses were rapid, many, and VERY enthusiastic! Thanks everyone! I told Maureen, Neil, and others that I am going to wait for the submersible version!

See it in motion here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQRQs-N-ZIM

Since then, I have found many other sites that talk about this and the idea is that it will be miniaturized to fit under clothing. So no more leather pants I guess! (BTW, I don’t own any but someday I might!). Seriously though, between the love that I get from all of you, and the science and technology that I know is in progress, it will be interesting to see what happens in the next decade. The orange chair is temporary I am certain!! The fact that this will cost around $20k and my chair was $6k is astounding.

In that line of though, I want to tell you about some of the wonderful people I have in my corner. So many have told me that I have been in their dreams and they have seen me walk or that they are impressed by my strength and have watched my recovery – a friend of mine from Kingston, Christine Overvelde, Frank and Linda VanHal who keep tabs on me like I am one of their own, our kind minister neighbor Mr. Gunn, a friend of mine from New Orleans, Andy Pellet, an ICU nurse that took care of me that I ran into in the elevator, Kay, the Garcias in Houston, Yehia Sirry and family in Toronto that have been friends of our family for probably 50+ years, Cheryl from the Emergency admin department that offered to help me up the incline to the door of Brody, family and friends of my brother and Mervie, family and friends of Jani’s in Hungary and around the world, my mom’s family and their friends in the Czech Republic….the list is really amazing – many hundreds. It makes me truly glad when people like Kay and Cheryl tell me who they are so I can thank them personally. From people I have known since I was a kid to people that met me because of the accident to people that my know my family and friends but have never even met me, the care and support I am still getting continues to be overwhelming. Thank you.

On that thread, Christine asked me why I feel my recovery has been so rapid and excellent. It is because I am so very fortunate to be in the hearts of so many from different faiths and beliefs that the energy I receive through all of you is immense. Thank you for helping to heal me.

I have been asked a few times what the worst thing is about this situation and many have commented that I don’t seem angry. The worst thing is not being able to show affection the way I was used to. The anger…well, there isn’t time and I don’t want to waste what time I do have.  I was a lively person before and I am grateful to be the person in my heart and mind that I was before.  My kids need me this way and I think it would be selfish to wallow. Life is awesome and I want them to grow up experiencing that. I won’t lie and say that I am not frustrated by all this. I certainly have my moments. The life I have is something I deeply treasure and the love from family and friends is integral.

The rest of the week was very good. Jess had her first committee meeting on Wednesday and did very well.  We might have to alter some things depending on how doable the first part is but that is the nature of the beast! She is a hard worker and loves the project and so I think that it will be productive. I enjoy being a mentor for her. I was lucky to have an outstanding graduate school mentor, Dr. Kathleen McDonough at LSUHSC, so I try very hard to emulate her.

I had lunch with Rukiya VanDross and Audrey Jenkins and had great talks with them. They were part of one of the crews that came to the new house to help get things ready for me to come home. They told me how nice of an environment it was because there were so many people that didn’t know each other but everyone was so kind. I am so much more than grateful to Jani, Dave, Teresa, the Maas family, and so many others that coordinated and were part of this effort.  

So I got some help from Jas (Emily’s techie hubbie who has pretty good hygiene for a computer geek btw!) in figuring out how to upload the pictures. They made it to the admin part of the site but apparently there are other steps I need to take to make them viewable to all of you. I will get there soon! I am adding about 20 more that go with this so there a lots!

Lastly, I want to tell you that I have asked Bob, Khaled, and Jani to come back online and write a few words to all of you when the one year anniversary of this chaos comes on October 19th and they have all agreed. I am planning to ask my parents too.  They have been through so much. As a parent, I know this would be much harder. The support they tell me about from Wolfe Islanders who ask them about me means a lot to me and I know it means a lot to them. I just can’t imagine what things would be like without.

So with that, I will end this installment. My sweetest angel baby Rowan will be turning 5 next Saturday and so next time you will hear all about the party we are having for him (and all the things I that I will remember that I forgot this time!) Until then, I send much love to all of you who continue to keep me in your heart and mind!

Another thing I forgot is to write to find out who that generous person is that has an automatic deposit into the Recovery Fund each month? All deposits are anonymous so please let me know so I can at least thank you!
Another thing I forgot is that when I have gone to the store with the family, whether it be Sam’s or Harris Teeter, Rowan usually rides around in my lap (I think I mentioned this before because I LOVE having him close and kiss his beautiful head as often as I like without having to catch him!). But the point I wanted to make is how every time we are out, someone comments on how lucky he is to have such a nice ride. I hope those people can see the gratitude in my eyes!
Yet another thing I forgot to mention are more folks that I am grateful to for their thoughts and help  – our neighbors on MacGregor Downs, the Adamses, and our neighbors up the street, the Barrows. Mr. Barrow made a scrap book for me. I never knew about the note that went to all our neighbors. Mrs. Barrow was a teacher at the school Rowan is going to tomorrow for the first time. She has had great things to say about the people there and so that reduces my anxiety a little!
The beach yesterday was awesome. It was a perfect day and it was fabulous to see Hope and her wonderful family. The boys all played in the water together and the girls hung out on the beach and watched to make sure no one got washed away! Carmen is a sweet little girl and watching Encsi and Carmen play (well, Encsi being 6 mo older and more Sumo in build was more boss than companion but did have several hugs for her and gave her juice!) was quite funny. That little girl means the world many people.  And it was great to see that the whole extreme daddy’s girl syndrome is not only in Encsi and Jani’s case!
Anyway, once I get a handle on my stress over Rowan going to school, I’ll let you know how he does!

Good night!

Dear all,

I have not dropped off the face of the earth – you should know by now it takes quite a lot to slow me down!! Things are going great but only getting busier. I am striving to be more and more independent all the time but things do go a little more slowly. Anyway, lots to tell! and I hope the pix show up!

So I will start with my health: My strength and stamina are improving (this could have a bit to do with the fact that the Olympics are going!). My sense of smell has still not returned. My fluid balance issues still cause me trouble but I am learning to listen to my body much more closely and so I think that I am getting better about managing this problem. My brother and Dr. Brinn, our wonderful family physician, are certainly instrumental in this. A few days ago (Aug 19^th) was the 10 month anniversary of all this chaos. My sense of self, purpose, love of life and family, and love and support I receive from SO many dear people gets more intense each day. These things continue to fuel my strength and stamina.

I will do my best to recap the last month ⁺ events to catch you up (this is a true test of my brain function!)….

On July 18^th, Emilia arrived from Hermisillo, Mexico. Her father came with her and we were instantly like family. Language is no barrier for the heart!!! She is great with the kids and seems to be managing being away from loved ones pretty well. I am sure that having her friend Estefania (who arrived Aug 11^th) helps a lot! They are going to learn English here and possibly take some other courses as part of the exchange. They do lots of fun things with the kids – play volleyball and soccer, dance, art projects, read books, play swords (of course!)….the main thing is that the kids are happy. The girls also do a lot of extra things to help out around the house and so it really is like having more family! We might even consider sharing Estefania so give us a call!!!

A few weeks ago (I think it Friday July 25^th) a youth group of 23 people from the Mennonite faith came to groom our house and yard. It was quite a spectacular whirlwind! In just short of an hour, the women cleaned all the windows inside and out, wiped off counters, shelves, dusted the blinds, and things inside while the men outside cut the grass, trimmed the bushes, and edged the grass everywhere. It was something. An extremely kind and selfless group of people. I didn’t get to thank each one in person but I talked to a few and thanked as many as I could catch up with! Some of the photos should give you an idea of what the experience was like. Huge thanks to David and Jolene for bringing this group to help us out!!

Last week I took Rowan to his school to meet his Kindergarten teacher and have some testing. She meets with each child individually to see what level they are coming in at. He was very reluctant to leave my side (to the point of sneaking to the opposite side of my chair and placing a white knuckle grip on my armrest!) but about 40 min later he came back with Mrs. Uebler with a big grin and kind of skipping (hard to tell with those long gangly legs!). Anyway, he starts this Tuesday and so even though he looks forward to it when we talk about it, the fact that one parent will not be going to with him and that it is a new environments and lots of new people will take some time to get used to. I talked with Mrs. Buck the secretary there the entire time Rowan was with Mrs. Uebler and she probably doesn’t know it but the fact that she engaged me in conversation totally distracted me from my anxiety about worrying about Rowan. Really kind people there. I got a very good feeling about them and I am so very glad to be here to see this day, despite the fact that it means my baby is growing up!!! Sigh……….

A few weeks ago I got a new cell phone too so you might get a pic or a text from that – 252-412-8216 (Jani is -8126). Unfortunately, when they tried to move my phonebook over from the old phone, everything was gone and so I am starting from scratch. So don’t be shy about calling to get reconnected so I can bug you when I get a chance!

July 10^th I had a meeting with Christine, a reporter from the Mission – the ECU publication. She wanted to do a story about my recovery and return to work. As strong as I think and try to be, trying to speak about this and the incredible support network I have makes for a huge lump in my throat (hard to imagine me not being able to speak – I know!) and welling up of tears. I am sure that she will do a great job and I look forward to seeing the article which I think should be coming out very soon. Cliff Hollis, the photographer, came over and took pix of Jen Lust and I talking about some work that we are doing with Mark Mannie and so I have posted a couple of those as well for your viewing pleasure!

A few weeks ago I got to meet with Liz Jonhston and Griffen Avin who will be managing all the adjustments to the lab I need to get back to doing hands-on research. They gave me an adjustable height table to try out I was able to work without too much difficulty. I am very happy about this! They are also working on getting automatic doors so I don’t have to bulldoze my way in, adjusting a sink so I can use it more effectively, modifying the room so I can get around, and working with me on a few other things that will really make things easier for me. They are wonderful jovial people and I am very glad to have their knowledgeable and creative assistance in this!

So many of my friends are in touch and I try to respond in a timely fashion but don’t always succeed – the Betties, Julie Ponthier in Australia, Mandy, Lori, and the Soules in Kingston, Isa, Hans, the Murrys in Seattle, Jude and Drew in DC…..I know that you all know you are in my thoughts more often than I have a chance to tell you.

There are so many Brody people I have chatted with and everyone is so kind and I am learning a lot actually through even short exchanges with people like Ruth Schwalbe, Dave Taylor, Phil Pekala, Mark Mannie, Pam the secretary in Pharm, Kathy Verbanac, Ann Sperry, Yan-Hua Chen, Irene Hamrick, Ruth Ann Hendrickson, Mary Jane Thomassen, Rachel Roper….all the women at the BWFC, especially those that were there at the meeting on 8/19. I have heard many times that several of the BWFC members including Elaine Cabinum-Foeller have really pushed hard for bicycle safety and that there will be extensive bike paths in a few years. That will really be great…and hopefully those many people I see riding around who don’t wear helmets will use them!! I am looking forward to working with Janet Malek this year as program co-chairs for this group.

As far as lab stuff goes – the summer has wound down. Classes are back in session and so Jon DeAntonio has gone back to school. Jen Lust will stay with us since she is going to school here. Unfortunately, our tech left a few weeks ago and so we are looking for another person and the job description will be posted soon on the ECU website. Jess is working on her thesis proposal to present to her committee, Sept 3^rd and so hopefully we’ll get the green light to move forward. She is working very hard and so I think we will get some interesting stuff soon.

Brook and Drew Cathey came into the Phys dept this week to introduce us to their new firstborn, Ben. I was fortunate enough to hold all of 7.5 pounds of him for a few minutes. Wow you forget how small they are! What really stuck with me about that was how beautiful life is. Cherish each moment because we don’t get time back. In the words of Scot Reeg, “kids are so cool!” Indeed. Even though there are things I used to do that I may not be able to do again like ice skating with Rowan, kicking a ball around, running with them, trekking though the trees, etc and there are things that I want to do with them in the future that I may not be able to do like hiking and skiing, I am determined to give my kids a full life and expose them to as many possibilities as I can. What I can’t accomplish with my legs I will accomplish with my will!! Speaking of strong will, Jani is continuing to work hard to get through the firefighter training program. He is about 4 months into the 6 and he is hanging in there! He is enjoying what he is learning and the people he works with and meets and so I am happy for him. They continue to work them like teenagers and so I am really happy that he is so healthy and fit!

So, something I thought would never happen – we bought a 4 wheeler last weekend. I am not thrilled about it but what I am REALLY THRILLED about is getting back into the trees – the whole reason we bought the property back here in the first place. I just wish I could smell. Too bumpy for a chair but not for a Honda Recon!! Needless to say, Rowan is the happiest about this. My parents on the other hand….

Tomorrow we will get to see Hope Campbell and her family in Nags Head – Jay her husband, Ayden and Jed and Carmen – their gorgeous kids. I am excited since I have not yet met Carmen. I have known Jay and Hope since high school when I moved to Kingston, Ontario. She has always been very kind to me and continues to be one of those wonderfully supportive people.

Next Friday Khaled is coming to visit for the Labor Day weekend!! I am really excited about this of course. I am planning to drive the van myself to the airport so he will get to ride in style! I know he is really excited about this.

So one last thing – I will officially go back to full time status and convert to the tenure-track as of Sept 1 (my clock starts next July1). I am really so very glad to be back in action! I am going to get back to teaching soon too – a lecture to the PA students this fall and the med + grad students in the spring and so I am looking forward to that very much.

I stopped here because Jani and the kids came home from shopping (lunchtime too!) and Dave Lever had just pulled up. He came to mow our lawn. I told him he must be telepathic. I had been looking out the window this morning wishing I could go out there and push our mower around….

Physically things have been a little more challenging in the last 10 days. I am currently feeling a but chilly but I came home from work mid-morning to rest and so hopefully things will get better fast. Mostly I have been feeling better as far as stamina goes except for yesterday and today really. I really hope it gets better by tomorrow because I have a date with my husband tomorrow night. Our 6th anniversary is coming up on the 20th.

On June 28^th the Greenville Jaycees held a 5k race – the Flat Out 5k and they put my story up to theme the event: S.A.F.E. – Streets Are For Everyone. It was a great day, hot of course, but the route was pretty – from Town Commons to East Campus and back. Bob Lust’s wife Carol borrowed a wheelchair for him and he did the 5k with me, although he propelled himself all the way whereas I had help from my co-pilot! Rowan came with us. When we got to the finish, there were still a bunch of people there and they cheered me on. It was a sensational feeling to be welcomed that way. I got to see a lot of wonderful people too – my rehab group plus others from the day rehab clinic formed a team called Rehab Magic and they had shirts made for the event. How cool is that!!?!?! Penny sent me some incredible pictures I am going to share too. Bob Lust, Jen Lust, Teresa Lever, Jess Dries, Sonja Bareiss, Jani, Rowan, and I were all on a team but since word got out that we were going by the name Team Determination (courtesy of the graduation certificate I got from Shephard – they called me Dr. Determination), I think a bunch of other people must have registered under that name because Barbara Muller-Borer and her busband Mike came, Maria Collins was there, Mark Mannie joined in, Kip Byrum, Cindy Kukoly too….and there were so many others that it chokes me up still to recall.  Our team was apparently large enough to get us the prize for largest team!! One of the nurses who helped take care of me here came and introduced herself to me – Allison. And she was there before and after the race. The support from people is truly remarkable and I hope you all know how very much it means to me.

On July 7^th my R01 grant resubmission was due I actually managed to revise it and get it in just in the nick of time.  This is a major accomplishment and took all I had but I was determined to get it done and not wait until the next cycle in November. Since your thoughts out there have been so powerful in keeping me alive and helped so much in my recovery, if you can put some energy into hoping I get at least a score again so I can continue doing what I love, that would work for sure!!!

On Tuesday July 8th, I picked up Rowan from daycare a little early and took him to the theater to see WALLE. We had a really nice afternoon together. One of these days I will tell the story about the tube at the beach. These kids are my soul. Encsi is going to be 2 in 2 weeks. I am so happy to be here to be with them and see them grow. They are spectacular.

On July 10^th a reporter from out internal publication called the Mission came by to interview me to do a piece on my recovery and return to work. It was a very emotional conversation but I am really glad for the opportunity to reach out to the Brody community this way. I meet people in the elevator and hallways but since I have been so busy trying to get on top of things, I haven’t made my way around to thank people. Additionally, I don’t remember much at all about being in the hospital here and so I don’t remember people and so when they approach me like Allison did, I am so happy to thank people in person. I am sure Christine will be able to put into words what I still get teary and speechless (I know – this is hard to believe!) about – the support from so many people for so much. I told her that I can’t find words to express how I feel and so I might just have to make some up! I said that I haven’t been back to the hospital to thank the people there either. I want to but I don’t feel like I can do it alone. One day soon Jani and I will go together.  We have a woman coming next Friday to live with us to look after the kids. Since Rowan will be going to school in the fall, Emilia will mostly be with Encsi but she will be here when the bus brings Rowan home around 3pm. We have communicated with her quite a bit and she seems like a very kind woman and she is young so I hope she will have lots of energy for our young ‘uns!  I just talked with my brother and he is thinking about coming for Labor day weekend for a visit and so maybe I’ll ask them both to come with me then. Considering that I heard that I was not an easy patient (apparently not speaking was good!) I’m sure that most people will be happier to see Jani and Khaled anyway!

So, I am going to work on getting a bunch of pictures uploaded to share with all of you and catch up with so many other life things – reach out to friends that I haven’t contacted in ages because I have been wringing my brain cells into that grant!

So, to all of you who are following my recovery, you are wonderful. Thanks is a weak word and so if anyone has any ideas about a new word I could use, please let me know!!

Have a wonderful weekend!!

I thank all of you who are still reading this. So many people have been commenting to me that they have followed and still do follow this blog. My sister-in-law was telling me about her co-workers who check up on me and talk to her about it. There are SO many people who are looking out for me because they care not only about me but my relatives who have been affected by all this as well.  My gratitude for your thoughts and wishes is boundless. My thanks for supporting those I love is….well, the lump in my throat doesn’t allow me to say how intensely I feel about it without totally cracking. Thank you.

Things are going alright. Last week I was able to spend a lot more time at work than I have previously and I am glad for that. Although being there reminds me of how much catching up there is left to do and so trying to move forward is like rolling up a steep incline  - laborious, challenging, and frustrating because I  see where I need to be and I know I could get there faster if I had the “tools”. But I’m doing the best I can.

Physically: My fluid management is getting better. My strength is improving. I miss my therapists at rehab though. My anterior pituitary decided it would listen to my hypothalamus and my ovary and uterus didn’t want to be left out and so now I get to experience some femalehood again. Although I have to admit that if it weren’t for the typically “brain symptoms” (moodiness, tiredness, etc…OK I’ll give in – crabbiness!!!), I wouldn’t have known it was coming. So, I can attest to the fact that PMS is not a figment of the female imagination!  Anyway, things are taking a bit longer but anything that was normal before is welcome back. Other things haven’t changed – my smell has not yet returned. Now my jasmine flowers are gone and that makes me sad. I hope that sense comes back soon – I really miss the scents of my kids and my husband. I believe that how I perceive my senses makes me feel alive. I guess since I can’t feel with most of my body, I just want to have that extra sense to be able to devour them as much as possible.  Fortunately, I have other senses to work with and so being able to hear them, see them, and hug them makes this tolerable.

Saturday was fun but in a bittersweet way. Jani and I took Rowan to Jumpin’ Monkey to wish Elliot a happy birthday and bid farewell to the Abbott family who is moving away this week. Of course we wish them the best and know they will be in good hands since they will be closer to family but we will miss them something fierce. Dr. Susan has looked after us as if we were kin. Good souls. 

Apparently this party was another example of how small my world is now.  My friend Cindy from Ionia Michigan who I have been in touch with a bit here and there and moreso lately (and just found out that her family is 3.5 hours away in SC!) sent me a note saying that she knew I was at that party because of friend of her husband’s was there too. Unfortunately, Eric Frank and I didn’t recognize each other (her and Karl were a few years ahead of us in high school) but hopefully I will get to see all of them in a few weeks!

Anyway, I have to run to get myself together and get to work but I just wanted you all to know that I am so glad that my heart and brain are doing what they used to. With the support and encouragement of so many fabulous people, more will heal. Please keep believing for me.

BTW - Yesterday, Khaled and Mervet celebrated their 9th wedding anniversary and their middle child Kyan turned 4 too! I love them so much.

This has been a really great week!! And today is a fabulous Father’s Day!!  Happy Father’s Day to all you daddies out there and to the dads of all my wonderful family and friends!!

Every morning I have been up to see the kids off – I wave to them and blow kisses to their smiling faces. I am so glad that they like going to Child Time now. Rowan always talks about how much he likes Miss Sierra, Miss Alma, and Miss Pat. Encsi is putting multiple words together all the time these days. Most people wonder if their kids don’t speak when they think they should. What do you do with 2 that don’t shut up!!?!?!? It is really great. I adore them.

Although Jani and the kids have colds, their spirits have been good. Hopefully my system will evade this bug! (this was written earlier in the week – they are all doing much better and I still have no sign of it – yay!)

It has been a week of many “firsts” but some are kind of personal so I won’t share all but here are some: I was work every day!!  Bob Lust moved the fridge and microwave from my van into my office yesterday on Tuesday.  People are happy that my stinky lunches will be kept in my domain (curry and pad thai stink?!)! The main reason for this equipment is so that I will have the intranasal desmopressin on hand and also when I need to heat something, I won’t burn myself carrying it on my lap or spill it everywhere. Krista made me a couple of trays with Dycem on the top and bottom so it won’t slide around and things on it won’t slide either.  I hadn’t seen this stuff before but I love it and I also love the edges (thanks Chris and Winnie). Now I can carry stuff on so I won’t burn myself and things won’t slide off my lap and so I am set!

I managed to get my hair cut on Tuesday. It was good to see Jackie (Practicality).  I’ve been going there since I moved here and so she has seen me 23 months pregnant and she has met the little monsters too!  Anyway, she seemed pretty happy to see me – she hugged me like a sister. A few tears were shed. It is still tough to have people see me like this and obviously hard for people who knew me before to see me like this.  Knowing that people keep me in their thoughts is more valuable than I can say.  Plus she did a great job on my new short do – no surprise there! She always took good care of me in that regard!

I have had some very nice interactions with many ECU people this week too – Mike VanScott, Dick Ray, Deirdre Mageean, Ruth Schwalbe, Ching from Pharmacology, and Pui-Nn Ho, a medical student who spent her first summer in my lab came by my office to visit with me. People of all walks offer to help me any way they can. And as I say to all who tell me it is good to see me, it is great to be seen!! I don’t remember anything about most people visiting but now knowing that they did I am indebted.  Ruth Ann Hendrickson visited many times too and still keeps her eye on me. I have such an incredible battalion of people looking out for me so THANK YOU!!!!!

To boot, the Flat Out 5k I have mentioned previously, Bob Lust has offered to cruise with me in a wheelchair! I am pretty excited about that for many reasons.  

No one has told me yet who put up the get well sign on the road where the accident occurred. If you know, please send me a message!

Friday was a very productive and bonding day. In the morning, I went to work and resubmitted out first manuscript to Cardiovascular Research. Keep you fingers crossed for us! At lunch, I went to pick Rowan up from Child Time and we met daddy at Coldstone for ice cream.  Then I took Rowan for a Wendy’s cheeseburger and fries and then later to go see Kung Fu Panda. It was a very nice afternoon.

Saturday was good too. We tried to go strawberry picking at Briley’s but the season must be over already. Oh well, blueberries will be easier for me to pick if someone can park me next to a bush!! Then we went to Sam’s club, and then home and then we all had a good nap! Encsi slept for 4 hours!! In the afternoon, Gabor and his kids came to hang out a bit. After the kids were fed and bathed, Jani and Rowan and I stayed up late and watched Indiana Jones. I told him I would take him to the new movie if he liked it but when the German guy drank from what he thought was the wrong holy grail and vaporized on his skeleton, that was enough to scare Rowan off of Indie for a while!!

Now is a rainy Sunday morning. Jani and I were up early and got to have croissant and coffee together at 6:30 before children awoke. Rowan was awake first but a cartoon took care of him for a few minutes. Then Encsi didn’t wake up until 8am. Now they have been fed and are playing but every couple of minutes they want attention from one of us and so I am going to sign off.  Jani is messing with stuff – the alarm system, replacing air filters, dumping laundry on the bed for me to fold….it is father’s day though and so I will just smile and be glad that we have such a good daddy! And so now I’m going to hang with the kids and call my daddy and uncle Kal to wish them the best father’s day too!!

One more thing though – I keep hearing from people that they do keep up with this blog to see how we’re doing and I am very glad for that (although I have to admit it feels a bit weird to write to the internet that doesn’t reply!). If anyone has questions that you think I should address, please don’t hesitate to let me know.  As far as my health goes, I feel better and I am getting stronger but my sense of smell hasn’t returned and my pituitary is still misbehaving.

One more quick thing – so Jani is messing wit the alarm system and so some loud ones went off (we were warned) and when Jani turned it off, Rowan said “that scared the eyeballs out of me!”  How funny is that?!?! I had a mental image of a cartoon character with his eyeballs 3 feet out infront of  him while his body was already turned in the other direction to scram!!!

Anyway, gotta go!! I still haven’t had a chance to ask Vince about the pix but I promise I’ll get to that soon!

Fortunately, I have my family to keep me busy and entertained! Jani continues to be the positive presence. The kids continue to grow and get more beautiful each day. Jani put us all in the pool yesterday. Now that 100+ degrees is the norm, it is a relief! Rowan paddles and splashes around and Encsi is pretty brazen in it considering that the water comes up to her chest! With daddy around, there really is nothing to fear (except for him when he is angry!)!

Encsi was so sound asleep this morning that even mommy was up and rolling before she was awake.  So I got to go to her room and see her sleeping. Such a wonderful sight! I took pictures of course!! Rowan has been getting better about parting in the morning and even on Mondays. Although he did ask yesterday, “mommy, does Friday come after Tuesday?’ don’t we wish the work week was 3 days long and the weekend was 2!!

So now, what do I do to ease the pain of no therapy? I bury myself in work! I have a TON of stuff to do and there are still parts that I am trying to catch up on so I can not only be up to speed, but also get a few steps ahead of the game (needs to be done to be successful in this line of work!).  So today I am working on resubmitting a manuscript and will concentrate on the grant resubmission from now until July5th. From here on out, I am planning to be at work everyday and hopefully most of those days.  We just bought a mini-fridge/freezer and a microwave for me to keep in my office so I can keep my intranasal desmopression (has to be refrigerated and I have to take it at 6am, 2pm, and 10pm) and food/drink in my office.  Getting back to normal life (well, mostly)! I also bought a ramp to put in the back of the van so that when I go to people’s houses that have steps (most do here since we’re on pocosin wetland) so hopefully I’ll be able to get to more Bunko nights!

I am looking forward to visitors later this summer too. Hope and Jay and their kids are planning to come by when they come down for a vacation at the outer banks in August. Cindy and Karl and their kids and hopefully Cathleen and her family will join us too for a weekend in July or August. 

The news of the flat out 5k that the Jaycees are putting on here in Greenville to benefit burn victims and to help me out too this year has spread like wildfire.  Jani, Teresa, Dave, and Claire have worked to put this together. I put the website link up on the last posting but in case you can’t find it, it is www.flatout5k.com.  The theme this year is S.A.F.E – Streets Are For Everyone.  This will be grueling physically and emotionally but it is yet another example of how many people have come together to help out and support me and apparently, since I am stubborn (I keep hearing this and I’m not sure if it is good but I am still here so I hope so!!), I intend to be there and if it takes me all day to cross the finish line, so be it!. Overwhelming doesn’t even come close to describing how it feels to have so many people reach out to me.

A story that I want to share from my stay at Shepherd:

I had a very nice visit from some old friends from Seattle (they just moved to Minneapolis) Dave and Nicole Nuckley. We went to the Atlanta art museum and then they joined the McDevitts and my family for dinner in the family recreation room. They brought many treats from Seattle (I had to hide some to keep others away from!) like smoked salmon, chocolate covered cherries, choclate covered almonds….mmmmmmmmm. It was awesome to have them visit and to catch up on Tama and Jerrod and Isabelle, and Priscilla and Jeremy. Thanks again for coming out of your way to see me and spend time with all of us!! I hope you are enjoying Minneapolis!

If you are still reading this blog, thank you. I feel good to be able to share these experiences with you and know that you care to read them. I am getting stronger all the time and even though there are ongoing battles, the love and support I have from my family and friends is phenomenal. I wish all those that suffer adversity would have the network that I have. The world would be a better place. I know that many of my friends and family have suffered and I hope that I have been there for them a fraction of the way they are here for me now.

So with that, I wish you all a Happy Monday and hope the week goes well!

http://www.flatout5k.com/

In other respects it was very good. I got to see Dr. Reeg on Tuesday morning. My spine looks fine so I am healing.  I felt stronger after seeing him. Hard to explain in words.

I rally want to thank our sweet neighbors Gary and Mac for all the bunches of daffodils that decorated our kitchen this spring.

Jani is hanging in for the firefighter training. It is a workout physically and intellectually but he is still working hard at it and enjoying what he is learning.  The kids are doing better now with the daycare thing. Not sick and not crying when they get dropped off so that makes life more pleasant for all of us. This morning Rowan woke up on his own all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Both kids were happy, ate, kissed mommy, and hopped in the car. I feel MUCH better about it when they are like that.

As for me, I am trying to get to work more. Still working around some logistics but hopefully everything will get worked out in time.

I’m sorry for this being so short but I’ll try to go into more detail next time!

Does anyone know who put the sign on the road where the accident happened to wish me well (I never got to see it because it was up while I was in PCMH/Shepherd but I heard about it)? If so, could you please tell me so I can thank them?

So today (when I started writing this) is Monday May 19^th.  Poor Rowan had a fever all weekend and so he is home with mommy right now. I took him to see Dr. Susan this morning and she made him feel better because he didn’t have to have any shots.  Hopefully it isn’t anything serious but we’ll see how things go in the next few days. He gave Dr. Susan 2 hugs and she gave him two stickers – Batman and Spiderman. I was glad to have been able to take him there and have her see him.

I would like to send a special thanks to Bardia Askari, Steve Berard, and the Murrys for throwing a benefit auction for me at Kate’s Pub in Seattle.  The people at Kate’s were very generous in their donation of the space and Kate and Eric put their tips into the pile as well. This was Steve’s brainchild (as Bardia calls it – that means a lot coming from him because my sense is that he thinks most of humankind is clueless) and the Murrys have always been very generous in spirit and in addition to having contributed tons to the recovery fund, I am extremely grateful to have them in my life. Thanks so very much all of you. I appreciate all of you tremendously.

As few more things I have been thinking about lately…

I was a bit cryptic about the emotional experience at therapy last week but I am going to share this story with you now.  At Christmas, as I mentioned before, we got tons of cards and gifts from so many thoughtful people. One of the cards was from some friends of friends in Seattle. Priscilla told of her experience similar to ours – her husband suffered traumatic brain injury. Aside from that, the point that struck me hardest was her advice that I should mourn my loss.  This has really stuck with me. Only time will heal that wound. It still upsets me when I think about it and I know it will for a long time. I am an active person. I had 2 wonderful pregnancies and enjoyed all associated sensations immensely. Two days before Encsi was born I was mowing the lawn (she liked the pool that mommy built for her and didn’t want to come out and so I was trying to discourage that comfort).  When I see a bike I get grumpy.  I loved to ski (well, try to anyway) either cross-country or downhill. I loved hiking when I lived in Seattle. I want to jump through the waves at the beach with the kids.  Anyway, it is difficult to share these feelings but I hope it will make it easier not only for me, but for those who love me. I hope that when you read this you will think about those that you love and the trials they have been through and understand how it has shaped them. I could be depressed and miserable but not only is there no time because life is speeding on around me, no one I love would want to be with me and that would not be fun at all! I have said this to people and I will probably keep saying it because it makes me realize how futile those emotion are. So if you think that I am strong because of that, I thank you but the thanks really goes to my family. You know my dad, my brother, and Jani aren’t going to allow me to be sad!  Jani calls me “weepy” when I tear up – about anything, even when it is because of something sweet!

Tuesday May 20^th. Staying home again today with Rowan. Poor kid.  For the record, it is not funny when a 4.5 year old nephew tells his nephrologist uncle that his kidneys hurt.  The funny part to me was that if anyone out there knows any 4.5 years old that know where their kidneys are, please let me know!  Anyway, poor uncle Kal has been through enough between his brother-in-law and mother-in-law’s kidneys, his son’s hernia surgeries, and my accident (this is a short list by the way – the real one is much longer) and so I should have know better than to joke with him when he is hard at work!!

Came across this article about clinical trials through Geron using ES cell therapy for SPI being halted. 

http://www.nature.com/news/2008/080519/full/news.2008.842.html

For those of you who are missing Jani because he doesn’t have time to get back to you, please know that it isn’t for lack of desire or thought. This firefighter training is intense mentally (they have a few tests/week) and physically (they are working out everyday), and in addition to taking care of the kids, the dog, the house, and me, he gets a few hours of sleep.  Yet, he never complains and not only that, he smiles and makes us all laugh.  If I haven’t said so before, I will say that I adore my husband beyond words. Truly a spectacular man in so many ways and I feel so incredibly lucky to see his wonderful smiling face every day.

Well, Rowan went back to nap again and so I am going to try to get some work done!

Saturday May 24^th. Well, the rest of the week was better. Rowan was well enough to go to daycare on Thursday and Friday and is totally fine today. When I got home on Friday, Drew from DC was waiting in the driveway.  It was nice to visit with him for the evening (he stopped on his way to visit with family in SC) and he spoiled Jani (with Guinness and Heineken) and the kids with toys (a helmet and words for Rowan and a little wagon for Encsi to pull George around in  -so cute!). Anyway, poor Ensci was fine all evening but around 11pm she woke up vomiting and was sick all night. Probably a rotavirus. She is still sleeping this morning. Poor daddy is cleaning the sheets in the rain outside. Well, tomorrow is his birthday, not today! Neither of them got much sleep and so I see big naps on the agenda for the afternoon.

As for me, Friday was nice at therapy. I got a good work out with weights and doing push-ups with Joanne and then Krista tested me out on some Magic Wheels (a Seattle company!).  Just so you get a feel for how economically challenging this is, these wheels alone are $4500. My chair was around $6000. Insurance coverage for a medically necessary item should theoretically not be an issue. These wheels, if they work well, could really help to save me should pain. I can put them into a gear so that when I am rolling up hill, if I let go of my wheels I won’t roll backward. For all those that have seen me going from the van to the Brody building, you know this would be very helpful. So I am trying out a demo pair for this weekend and we’ll see where things go from here.

A random interjection: Everytime I drive over the overpass I see the red circles where the police made markings at the accident scene. Even though the paint is fading, I still feel a twinge every time I drive past.

Today is Tuesday May 27^th. I know it is terrible not to have put this up before but there was a lot going on. Drew came to spend Friday night with us. Encsi had a bad belly all night that night and kept Daddy awake throwing up. Saturday there was a fox in our yard jumping to pick peaches off our tree (you’ll have to ask to get the full story). Sunday was Jani’s 39^th birthday! Rowan bought him beef jerky and 2 super tootsie pops (which he ate/is eating!).  Terese and Dave came over to celebrate with us and brought a really nice cake with fresh strawberries – yummy!!  The Magic Wheels came off on Sunday – too heavy!!! Also, there is too much play when it is in gear. I don’t think they will work for me. Monday we hung out at home and enjoyed Jani’s first long weekend off! Nice that his birthday fell in the middle of it! I got to see Dr. Reeg this morning and he said my spine has healed well. It was great to see him. I kind of feel the same way about him as I did about Dr. Thompson in Seattle who came from dinner with her family late in the evening, was pregnant herself, and stayed into the wee hours to help me deliver my precious son Rowan (1:57am on 9/13, 2003). There are just some people that, even though they are doing their job, they make you feel as though they really care about you as if you were family. Then I had therapy this afternoon with Joanne and Krista. They are going to leave me to me own devices as of next Friday. I can go back if I need help but they think I am ready to do things on my own. I have really come a long way because of the folks at outpatient rehab and I hope to continue to improve.  Tough road………

Anyway, I have pictures that I have tried to upload and will keep doing so but I can’t see them so I don’t think it is working. Will have to bother Vince soon…..

Hope you all enjoyed a beautiful Memorial Day weekend!

            I hope you have had a good week! It is about noon on Saturday and it has been very busy this week in the Virag household.  Jani has been a bit sore from his rigorous physical training but is enjoying that they take them to different places around town to see how things work in case of a Fire.  The kids are both fluctuating with being sick and so we are trying to help them get better by eating, drinking, and sleeping. Hopefully the summer weather and being outside to get fresh air will help!

As for me, I have been at work a bit each day this week and so I am very glad about that. The lab is busy now – Jess has her comprehensive exam coming up at the end of the month, Sailly is working to get a handle on how we do things, Jon came back to spend some of the summer with us, and Jennifer will likely come to help us out part-time too. Therapy is Monday and Friday each week and so I only get one chance to be in the pool on Fridays but I will do my best to try to get there more. Monday was tough in terms of being emotionally taxing but I could not ask for kinder people to help me adjust to the reality of this situation.  

So many other things to share I don’t know where to start!

I got a phone call from Cindy Bollinger (now Munschy) and heard from Cathleen O’Malley (now Chojnacki) – two women I was good friends with in Ionia since St. Peter and Paul middle school. Cindy and her family only live 2.5 hours away in SC and so I am looking forward to having them visit this summer and meeting their families!

Wishes for wellness and contributions to the Recovery Fund just keep coming. I can’t begin to express my gratitude. Thank you so very much for keeping us in your thoughts.

I was recalling visits from friends the other day. When I was at Shepherd, my friend Dr. Frothy (other know him as Jude) from DC came and spent the weekend with me.  He has a fabulous sense to humor and he set me straight on some thoughts I was having. He did’t bring his blender then but hopefully the next time I see him he will make some magic! I thank Todd and Megan McDevitt for hosting him.

When I got home, Eric and Andrea Soule and their 2 kids Carly and Fletcher came by for a few hours on their way from Kingston to Florida. I have always adored the entire Soule family. They have been a source of love, laughter, and strength for me for many years.

Healthwise, my fluid issues are getting much better. I just had a blood draw yesterday to check things and so we’ll see how well my system is adjusting when those results come back.  Otherwise, there are not really many changes. I still need the medication and, as time goes on, the likelihood that my body will resolve it on its own becomes slimmer. This is troublesome because of other symptoms as well but mostly because I don’t like to put medications in my system and In the beginning, the doctors told me this would likely resolve in about 6 months.  My sense of smell is not back either but that could still take some time.  

Well, I am going to make this one short today because there are lots of things to do while the children nap! I just want you all to know that if I haven’t called or responded to messages, please re-send them. The blog is connected to Jani’s e-mail and so he forward things when he gets a chance but you might have better luck if you try my e-mail directly:

jaivirag@gmail.com

Big love to all!

Oh, and if you have any suggestions on what to spoil my hubbie with for his birthday which is coming up on May 25th (#39) let me know!

First let me day what a wonderful Mother’s Day it is. Friday Rowan and Encsi brought cards they made at daycare with their handprints on them. This morning, Rowan went outside and picked some flowers for me. Then some of our wonderful neighbors came all dressed up before church to bring some tulips and wish me a Happy Mothers day. Really a lovely surprise (I hope they can forgive my bedhead!). Then I went outside with the kids for a bit but it started raining so we moved our play inside.  After lunch when Encsi went for a nap, Rowan and I snuggled in bed, ate popcorn, watched some cartoons, and read a story.  We talked to my mom, Jani’s mom, and Auntie Mervie too and wished all mothers lots of love. Anyway, it is only a little after 3pm and so I’ll let you how the rest of the day goes!

Most of this next part was written earlier in the week…..

I can hardly see the screen through my tears. I am working at home today (Monday) and I decided to take a break to go back to the blog. You might recall that a month ago I got through some but didn’t finish reading past posts before I started writing. I read some of the initial posting that Bob wrote and then read up to my birthday.  The words, descriptions, and thoughts from Bob, Kal, and Jani are truly heart wrenching.  I have always had great admiration for these men for a huge range of reasons but there are no words to express my intense appreciation now.  I am so incredibly fortunate to have such amazing people in my corner. I balled like crazy when I read what Jani wrote about his mom in mid December.  I was glad to laugh though when I read what my brother wrote about ending up at PCMH because of nearly falling out of my chair – the eyes rolling. Bets on when that will be? And I cried my heart out when I read how Khaled described his view of me watching my kids as my first sunrise. So true. Everyday is really a gift with them. Seeing Rowan’s sleeping face next to me and the gorgeous smile on his face when he wakes up to daddy’s voice before he even opens his eyes. When we were outside this weekend it was beautiful and so I was wearing shorts. Encsi (now 21 months) came over to me and looked at the graft donor site scar on my right thigh, pointed at it and contorted her face into a concerned visage and said “ow”. I said yup that mommy’s ouchie and then she leaned in, kissed it, and toddled away to play.  This is the attitude – be tender briefly and then get on with the important things in life!

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I cry and I get frustrated. Not because I can’t reach something (that has always been an issue being married to a very tall Hungarian!) but because there is so much I want to and need to do and everything either takes forever, is very difficult, or seems impossible….but not for long. I was outside cutting watermelon for the kids recently and found it to be pretty tough, not because of my hands and arms but because of my torso – no abdominal muscle control to balance.  So many of you have commented on my strength and my positive attitude and I thank you because I am working at that and so I am glad to know that it is paying off. It is real. Laughter is incredible medicine. I am so very happy to know that there are so many great people around me and the genuine support and care you all share with me is indescribable.  However, this is a new mode and I am not made of steel (well, except for the stuff I don’t like to think about like the Greenfield filter that I didn’t know about until I saw the foreign object in an x-ray I was looking at with my brother at Shepherd and he explained it to me).  I want to get up and run in the yard after Rowan. I want to go over to the pretty little fig tree Jani planted in the yard for the third time – it came from Houston as a Christmas present in 2004 to 1231 Forest Acres in 2006 and now 1259 Forest Acres in 2008). I want to feel my feet in the sand as Ensci digs around in the sandbox. I want to go pick strawberries and blueberries together (most of you know how nuts my kids are about berries). I want to smell the beautiful jasmine plants that are starting to flower (Mother’s Day gifts from my wonderful husband when we lived in Houston).  I want to go camping with my family like we did last summer – listen to the water over the dunes and fall asleep under the stars….  BUT, I am determined not waste too much energy feeling sorry for myself because I have it pretty good. To be alive for one thing but the life I have is pretty darn good. I try not to think that things could always be worse or better but it is human nature to place ourselves on a continuum.  So what I aim for each day is to slide toward the “better” end of the continuum.  Laps in the pool and propelling myself down Forest Acres will replace running and biking.  I will find other activities to substitute for ones I can’t do anymore.  Suggestions are welcome! As much as I have tried, crafts are not my forté but eventually I will attempt to make more soap and candles. I guess the boxes of photos I have could be put into albums….I am so glad to be digital now!

I got to host Bunko on Cinco de Mayo and that was very special to me. Thanks to my mom for making lots of food when she was here because I pulled out a yummy lasagna to share (I didn’t tell everyone that mom is the chef at the General Wolfe but they said it was very good!), I made some salad, and when we were at Panera on Sunday we bought some of their death by chocolate and caramel chocolate brownies (me and baking have never been close).  It was nice to see those women again and they were all very kind and helpful. For example, Karen fixed me a plate, Marion reinforced my strength (although she won in my house and I didn’t!) and we had a really good talk about coping with adversity, Teresa brought her sunny personality to sub for Barbara and put all the dishes in the dishwasher, Terri and Cheryl made sure that the game proceeded, and Frankie is taking care of the Powerball ticket (keep your fingers crossed!).  Thanks ladies!

I got a wonderful surprise e-mail from a dear old friend, Cathleen O’Malley this week (she has posted comments on this site too) and so I am really very happy to restablish contact.

The middle of the week was just plain busy – between work and therapy, things are moving along!

Friday was interesting. It started off fine, until I got to work. There was a thunderstorm in the morning and so I waited until that passed before I headed to work. When I got to the parking lot, there were only a few spots available and none of them were spots I have used before. So I pulled in, not thinking that the hatched blue areas would vary in size between spots. Well, I tested the lift and it looked close but I thought I would be able to make it out. No such luck. I tried and managed to get myself stuck between the lip of the lift and the car parked to the right. Well, luckily I had me cell phone on me and so I called Laura and told her I was “good but stuck” and asked if she could find someone that might be physically capable of helping me out. So she and Dr. Ray came an rescued me. Not only that, Dr. Ray reparked the van so that I would be able to get in when I had to leave.  Also, as all this was happening, Dr. Lust arrived and said he thought we might be having a meeting outside. Then Dr. Iams arrived and saw us all out there and so he came over to join us.  So much for not drawing attention!  Fortunately it wasn’t pouring anymore. One can only laugh about something like this. It makes for a good story!

Emily and Jason were in town visiting from Boston for graduation and we got to spend some time sitting out on the patio with them on Saturday too.

Healthwise, the intranasal stuff works alright but as I get more physically active, the dose frequency doesn’t seem to cut it so I’m going to work on that this week. My physical strength is responding (well, a little more slowly than I would like but it is aging too!) and so hopefully by the end of the summer I will be independent.  People seem to be surprised that I have been going back to work part time since March and driving since mid-April.  I will continue to strive for physical and mental strength!

Have a great Mother’s Day Sunday afternoon and a wonderful week everyone!

I have to warn you that these posts are probably going to be long for a while.  Partly because I like to think about what to write and how and partly because I write some and then I don’t get back to it for a day or sometimes more.  So I hope you’ll bear with me!

I have to tell you about this week because lots of things have changed around the Virag house. Then I will go back in time for a spell and lastly I will update you on my health.

Wow it has been a busy week but pretty good all in all. Monday morning we rose early so Jani could make sure all of us were ready for the day without him. Rowan and mommy were a bit grumpy because we don’t like to be woken up but daddy and Encsi’s energy is contagious and so we forget and move on quickly. Daddy took the kids to daycare. Rowan is going through separation issues but once he gets into things, he has lots of fun with his new friends. Encsi, well, she is like her daddy – she will talk to anyone, anytime, about anything and entertain herself and others with whatever is on hand.  Mommy stayed at home in the morning and took care of some things and then drove herself in the fancy van to therapy in the afternoon. I really enjoyed going to outpatient to work with Krista, Penny, Dave, and Joanne.  I got to go in the pool Mon, Wed, and Fri this week so me and my circulatory system are happy campers!

Tuesday morning mommy went to work for a bit to greet Sailly, the new addition to our lab.  It is good to welcome a kind woman with great capabilities. In the afternoon, Teresa came with me in the van to help me pick up Rowan from daycare and we took him to his orientation at Falkland, the school he will be attending in the Fall. I got to do the parent part and Teresa accompanied Rowan to the classroom with some of his future classmates to play and learn some of the school policies and practices. Anyway, it was a good day.

Wednesday I scared Jani a bit because I charged my phone and popped it into the bag underneath me, not realizing that it had turned off. So he couldn’t reach me and I was busy all day and didn’t use it so I didn’t know. It was a productive day though! Working at home on a manuscript and then therapy (pool again!)

Thursday, I saw the family off, had some coffee, got myself together, worked on the computer for a bit and then drove to work and parked with my new accessible parking pass. Got the best spot possible – my lucky day!

Friday, I went to work in the morning. In the afternoon, I went to therapy to work with Penny in the pool (hurrah! On both counts!).  Then I went to an appointment to meet with Dr. Reeg only to find out that it was supposed to be the day before. I was pretty disappointed because I was very much looking forward to seeing him again (this is the man who operated on my spine).  Now I have to wait until May 27^th.  After that I went to pick up the kids for the first time. There was a girl there who was kind enough to put Encsi in her seat and away we went in mommy’s new van! When we got home, both kids were able to get out through the front passenger door and then they waited for mommy to come out in her chair.  

So all in all, it was a busy week, full of “first tries” but fortunately, without incident!

A few things I was thinking about recently that I want to share and when I was at Shepherd:

Jani gave me a few of his shirts to wear, mostly because I didn’t have the arm mobility to pull many of mine over my head. I was glad about that especially when he wasn’t around because it gave me strength and peace of mind.

When the family would leave the room at the ends of visiting hours and go to the elevator, Rowan would always run back to give me extra kisses. One time, he looked at me with those big tearful brown eyes and whispered “mommy, if you move over just a little I could fit into bed with you.”  Obviously there was not one single time I didn’t cry for hours after they left to drive back to Greenville.

When Mandy and Lori (from Wolfe Island/Kingston, Ontario) came to visit me in January, their flights got messed up because of inclement weather and so, because of my therapy schedule, I really only got to spend a few hours with them. However, it was really good quality time. Being with them, talking about life stuff, laughing and crying with them, and seeing pictures of Mandy’s little Rosyln…all of it really made me feel so lucky to have such great friends and still be integrated into their lives. I think you all know about the benefit they held for me at St. Margaret’s on Wolfe Island. There were so many people there and the money raised is so much appreciated I can’t begin to tell you. I look forward to getting up there one of these days and I was thinking that maybe I should just sit on the ferry all day one day and hug everyone I can get to!

There were lots of people who visited me there and I met some really nice people while I was there so I will come back to it often.

My health: Things are better with this intranasal stuff but I still have to watch things pretty closely. My right shoulder has its good and bad days. The therapists want to keep me for 4 more weeks (my discharge date was May 9^th) to see if they can help with that and work more on strengthening and mobility.  This would be good. I am getting better at transferring by myself but for some things (like the pool and my shower chair) I still need help. They tell me that one day I will be able to just pop myself over instead of using my sliding board. Yikes.

One last thing. You know what I am really glad about? That when people I know see me, they aren’t afraid to bend down and hug me.  It means a lot.

Hope you’re having a great weekend everyone! Today is my youngest nephew Kellan’s first birthday. Even though I can’t be with him to celebrate, I am so glad to be here to see the day!