During the long time I have not written here I still haven’t been able to put all this mass to the proper shelf in my head.  I am struggling many times between feeling extreemly sorry for Jitka, and being very grateful for having her around.  I am still mad at the woman who hit her.  I am still mad at her for putting not only Jitka, but all four of us in this situation.  I am sorry for the kids that they can’t go hiking with mommy, I am sorry Jitka can’t feel the refreshing wind while running or biking.  I am sorry for every time I see her stretch from her wheelchair to reach something that is higher than 5feet.  I told her “she has legs until I have legs”, we share mine.  And I am sure if her health keeps OK, there will come a medical solution to this problem and she will walk again. Hopefully in five years, maybe in ten.  We just tough it out.  Walking is not the only thing that is missing from her life now.  But it sure would be nice to have.

I am gratefulRowan and Encsi have their mommy.  She is happy to take care of them.  I am so happy they are able to hug and kiss each other.  We grow older together this way,  we are all together.  Rowan said when I will have no more strength to lift mommy he will be very strong and will do all the work.  He even started eating like a champ for that very reason. 

Here I am worried about all of them all the time.  I guess this is something I haven’t learned how to overcome.  I sometimes wonder if it was the right decision to get a full time job at this time, when I could be so much help at home.  But then I remind myself the reason why I applied for this - , so it is O.K. 

I wish you to know I am not forgetting anybody’s kindness.  All those who helped and continue to help us, please know my heart goes out to you.  I love you.  And I love you my Luftika, Roro, and Encsi.

Greetings everyone.  Bob Lust writing….

About 5 or 6 weeks ago, as she approached the anniversary date of her injury, Jitka asked me to consider writing something for the blog.  My first reaction was actually surprise.  I’d become used to the idea that the blog was a place to go to for status updates while she was away, and it hadn’t really occurred to me that it was something ongoing now that she has been back.  I can verify that she is indeed back to work, hard-headed and stubborn as ever… she has resumed her practice of terrorizing the chairman on a regular basis!

A year is a lot of time to compress into a few words, but I’ll try and provide some snap-shots, some impressions, and perhaps those who know, or have known Jitka will see something in it that resonates with them.

Since the accident, all of us have seen the true measure of humanity that surrounds us… many of you reading this are part of it, although it seems that Jani and Jitka invoke a particular brand of generosity and kindness in others that is uniquely robust and truly remarkable to see.

It seems so long ago now that Jitka’s life was so suddenly changed, and yet it is clear that so many things are just beginning… Jitka is only recently an independent driver again, Jani (as of about 4 days ago) is a newly minted fireman with an honest to goodness steady job, Rowan has just started school, and so on…  Life has caught up to those free-spirits, as it inevitably will to us all, and Jitka has to come to grips with the fact that her vehicle is a VAN and not a sports car, that her recurring worries revolve around day care, that Jani has to worry more about structural concerns that don’t involve building the best chicken coop in the back yard, and so on and so on.   The ordinary concerns that exist for so many of us, that Jitka and Jani seemed to avoid so well, have become a greater reality for them as well.  On the other hand, they will still try and sort out daycare with live in teenage nannies recruited from Mexico, before those mundane ways the rest of us have had to address child care!

For me, I find great comfort that Jitka’s irrepressible nature is still present in her sense of humor.  If she thinks I’m having issues with anyone, she offers to run their toes over with her wheel chair!

One day, as we were walking out to her van, she had mentioned Kal, and I asked her how he had done on his boards.   She gave me this look, as if to say what are you talking about (actually she does that a lot!), and I mentioned that while Kal had been coming down to be with her, he was also preparing to take his sub-specialty board exams.  She kept giving me this look as if to say “surely you’ve lost your mind” since Kal had never mentioned it to her.  I said ‘did you ask?”, and she said something like “should I?”, to which I responded jokingly that “you know, not everything is always about you”, and we had a great laugh.

By the way Kal, congratulations!  Jitka did follow up and told me you’d done very, very well.

Just today, Jitka attended a doctoral thesis defense by one of our graduate students.  The topic of the work was spinal cord injury, and while I told her she didn’t need to be present if she wasn’t ready, she wanted to be there, and was able to handle some very graphic discussions of the consequences of spinal cord injury.  As a relatively recent survivor or a severe spinal cord injury, her emotional strength continues to amaze me.

It seems like little things, and the more I reflect, the more things creep in… in a moment of insanity, agreeing to keep her company by doing a 5K in wheel chair with her… her willingness to trust me helping her maneuver a chair up and down a curb so we could go to a reception… through it all, the humor is ever-present.  And now, as ever, she still can laugh at herself better than most people I’ve ever met.

There is melancholy as well… Sharing a laugh with Jitka now is little different than it was… the sense of humor is as edgy as ever, but now that the abdominal muscles aren’t there to support it, the deep, hearty, belly laugh has been replaced with a throaty chuckle. On the other hand, her face is even more expressive, as are her eyes.  In quiet moments, sometimes that air of invincibility so typical of Jitka now also has just of hint of vulnerability… but then she rams you with her wheel chair, and the moment passes.

I’m not sure how one commemorates an anniversary such as this, but I do know that my life, at least, continues to be enriched by having Jitka in it, and I am so pleased that she has been able to rebound as well as she has, and that she has chosen to return to work.

Now, if I could just get her to write those dang papers!!!

Bob

I know that many of you remember this better than I do. I know that you recall the feelings you had for many days that I have no memory of.  I have not seen my bike (a few pictures and even those made me cry) but today, to commemorate the event, Jani went to get it from Teresa and Dave’s garage. There were many thoughts on what to do with it:

-          to put it on the bridge at the accident site for the day

-          bury at least part of it in the backyard and plant flowers on it

-          send this poor Bear Valley Marin with Shimano parts and knobby tires to the metal yard

None of these happened. When I saw it all I could do was stare. It looked worse than the pictures. I cried a fair bit. Rowan told me not to be sad because he would buy me another one – an orange one! - with his piggy bank savings! Encsi patted me and said “awww mommy no crying”.  Jani didn’t want me to torture myself by dwelling on the past but rather concentrate on the future. But I needed to reflect today. I remember buying the yellow star hand grips. I remember Stefi bringing orange reflectors for the spokes from Germany (only the one on the front tire remains). Even though the yellow backpack had a big tear and was quite tattered and so I got rid of it, I still have the Deuter rainproof sheath she and Hans brought from Germany for me as well. Jani bought me a bell and a bigger softer seat when I got pregnant with Rowan because I rode until I was about 4 months pregnant and I couldn’t comfortably reach the handle bars anymore!  Anyway, we decided to keep it as it is for a while. Maybe it will come in handy for awareness education. Such a big part of my life I just can’t part with it. While this is an extremely emotionally taxing day for me (and the days leading up to this have admittedly been tough too), I have to balance it out by thinking of other things  – my unbelievable husband and precious children, my stupendous brother and parents, exceptional extended family members, fabulous old and new friends…all of you and your thoughts, love, and generosity that really have brought me to where I am. I could not have done it without you and I continue to progress because of you. Mon raison d’être! I can say thanks in a few languages, use lots of emphatic adjectives to drive home my sincerity, and wish away all the anguish you all have suffered along with me with every ounce of my being but none seem sufficient to express what I feel in my heart. Much love to all of you!! So while you are joining me in feeling sad for my loss today, please also join me in feeling happiness for what I have because I will continue to live heartily!

I have tons of other stuff to catch you up on but today is just not that kind of day.

Hello all, this is Kal. 

It has been a while since I have written on the blog.  I wish you all well.  What had initially begun as a way to communicate Jitka’s condition to everyone has since developed into so much more.  I remember, initially how difficult to type it was, through my blurry eyes.  It was better than speaking, which was impossible.  This blog became a way to share my thoughts and feelings…my prayers and fears, with everyone that I cared about-including myself.  Surprisingly, it seemed that the whole town (and country for that matter) caught onto the blog and I would get e-mail after e-mail from people whom we had never met offering help, prayer and encouragement.  This blog has transcended it’s capacity as simply a form of communication and has become an instrument displaying the goodness of humanity.  If anything positive has come of this situation, I think that we have learned low truly and intrinsically kind and generous people are.  

I am so glad that my fears were not realized and that Jitka is still with us.  She has come so far in the past year.  It seems that the time has flown.  She recently had a trip to a scientific meeting.  She wanted to go alone and stay by herself.  Just last week.  That’s when I realized that Jitka was getting back to herself!  You see, no matter how difficult something may be, if Jitka sets her mind to it, there is little hope of convincing her of otherwise.  Very loveably stubborn as how I would describe it.  A year out, and she is still making progress in leaps and bounds.

Well, what about me?  A year later I have learned some very important lessons.  For so long I was living to work.  Now I work to live.  So many times that I should have just taken time to go visit my sister and I thought that I just couldn’t get away.  No more-I have a second chance.  I will spend every moment with my wife, my children, my parents and my sister and her family and my friends that I can.  Everything else that we worry about; the job, the house, the bills, the 401K, are a waste of time.  So called stress.  Stress is fighting for your life.  Those other things are inconveniences.  I learned that there are some magnificent, selfless people in the world.  There is a large concentration of them surrounding Jitka!  Thank you so much for taking care of my sister.  

May God bless you all.  Gratefully, Kal