6 months of stories

I actually have a draft date 1/27 on which I jotted a couple of notes about stories I wanted to share. Then I updated on May. Now it is June.  There are other things of course so I’ll have to make a separate “summer” entry later!!

First, I know many people have Facebook pages but I honestly don’t have time for that. Jani has one and so you can write to him (on his wall? oh drat the techie terminolgie!!) or you can write to me at jaivirag@gmail.com or call/text my cell 252-412-8216.

I’ll start with a funny thing that Encsi said one night. We were hanging out in the pool room and Jani saw her mouth moving as though she were eating something. Neither of us had given her anything and so he booms at her “Encsi, what is in your mouth?” She grins back at him as says ”teeth”! I have told that story about 20 times and still can’t do it without laughing!!

Most people know this story too – about the pipe that supplies water to the inside sprinkler system burst on the coldest day in late Jan…in the master bedroom over the bed on Sat morning at 7am when Jani was at work. So the fire alram was going off and since I can’t smell, I didn’t know what was going on, only that water was gushing everywhere on the floor. Anyway, we survived it. The floors and celing had to be torn out and redone and the walls repainted and so I slept on the bottom of bunk bed in kids room and Jani slept on the couch in the pool room for about a month.

The first few months of this year have been wrought with tragedy. I prviously spoke about Ann Kleese’s passing. MariJo Grazziano, my dear friend Megan’s mom, passed as well so please keep these ladies in your thoughts. They have wonderful husbands and fabulous children that live because of them. We are a product of our genes and experiences. We must be strong but also enjoy each minute of every day. This is what they made us for and how they lived.

We were in the new Fresh Market grocery store at the beginning of February and Rowan and I were looking at the Valentine’s Day stuff they had assembled into a lovely showing. A man in a power chair approached us and asked me if that was my van outside. I said yes cautiously because a) thought maybe I parked it wrong/badly or b)something had happened to it (normally not a paranoid person!) but he simply told me that he recognized a scratch on the trim under the lift and was certain that he was the person who had it made and had owned it before me – and he lives a few miles away! We bought it at Van Products in Raleigh.

We had a fair bit of snow in NC this winter.  So much that school was canceled on election day. Jani was home and so he and Rowan went outside the window of the study and built a snow man.  Encsi didn’t like the cold stuff too much (she’s a beach girl!) !  As it got warmer over the course of the week, the snowman started to melt so Rowan says, “hey the snowman is losing weight!” It seems like winter went on for a very long time. Even here! It was still cold in May.

Work stuff: Jan and Feb were busy because of grants going out. March and April were busy because I got back into teaching the medical students. It was fun. Hard but good. It isn’t my area and so it will take some refinement but I like it and I’m glad. May and June have been busy because we are trying to get some data to resubmit our first manuscript paper due to AJP July 4th. Thing in the lab are going good – busy but a good group of people: Jess Dries - many of you know her but for those who don’t, she is my grad student going into her 4th year, Tracy a technician who started in October and is becoming a  Physiology grad student at the end of the summer. Davis Blanton, a 1st year medical student rotating to get research experience, and Jon DeAntonio, back for his 4th summer to help us out. I am lucky to have such a good group to work with.

Anyway, moving back to more personal stuff….

Easter egg hunt at Viquest. Jani had to work on this particular Saturday and so I thought I would be bold and take the kids to the easter egg hunt at Viquest. Although there were WAY more people than I thought, thing worked out reasonable well.  Rowan walked on the grass to get the hot dog lunch for him and his sister, then they went way across to go on the big blow-up slide thing. Aside from the fact that some woman and her child cut in front of them and there wasn’t anything I could do about it at that distance, Rowan went down the slide, then went back to retrieve his shoes and his sister (she was apparently too small to be eligible) and they came back to me. Then we went to the park area for the hunt. It was quite insane how people were urging their kids to get every possible egg  and so the first round wasn’t all that fruitful. We all wen to another yard for Encis age kids and they were much more successful. It was fun. They were good kids and I think they had fun…almost as much as me! So important to me to try to preserve their childhood. They have been through so much. We think that children are not aware of “adult” things but they are. Too much.

For Jani’s 40th birthday we took a trip to Hilton Head. Going to the beach wasn’t as easy as we had thought it would be but Jani made sure we enjoyed it.  He put me on aa lounge chair under an umbrella so I would crispify, Rowan was in the water about 99.8% of the time, and Encsi had fun people watching, talking to whoever would engage her, and playing in the sand.  It was complicated for me since we didn’t take some of the things I use on daily basis but now we know.

Mother’s Day was lovely. The kids made cards and magent pix for me and I still have them out. Of course, they will be preserved for all posterity. Now I know why my mom still drinks her coffee out of the mug I got for her some 30 years ago and never lets anyone (esp my dad who has a “tendency” to break stuff) touch it!

Jani’s 40th birthday…we had planned on spending Jani’s 40th (Mon May 25th) in Cabo alone together because we were going to go for Girish and Brenda’s wedding (Sat May 23rd). However, they had postponed this to October because of the swine flu. Poor kids. So much planning and so much anticipation. On our end, we had gotten a flight ticket for Peti, our nephew (Edit’s son) to come stay with them kids. Rowan was excited and Encsi is pretty mellow about that kind of thing.  We are hoping to be able to go in October but we have to see if we’ll be able to get someone to come stay with the kids since Rowan will be back in school.

Speaking of school….Rowan’s last day at school was supposed to be a half day on June 9th but it was actually June 8th since they were off to Hungary June 9th.  Unfortunately, the weather was yucky so they had to spend the might in Raleigh because their flight got cancelled. But they made it and have had a fantastic time as far as I can tell. They are on thier way home right now and so we’ll have more stories on this later….

As for my expereiences coping without them…..Khaled came to babysit – this is how I described it when he said he wanted to come. I thought there was a conspiracy going on between Jani and Khaled. conversation: Kaden to dad: “so you’re going on a babysitting trip?” Khaled: “your aunt is capable of taking care of herself. Kaden: “no she is going to babysit you because YOU’RE A BABY!” Nice!!  We had a great time – went to watch game 7 of the Stanley cup finals at BW3s- devastating that Red Wings lost. Went shopping the next day at the Fresh Market, then out to LA lounge martini bar where we ran into Jess and her boyfriend Patrick who joined us for a bit, then we enjoyed a late dinner of blue point oysters and paella at the Starlight Cafe (special place for me for many reasons). Sunday went to theater to see Hangover and in the evening, he bbq’d outstanding prime filet mignon, red beets, and vegetable kabobs. Crazy yummy. I’m so glad he came.  We haven’t had time alone together in 10 years….since the swim-up bar and shark dive in the Bahamas at Christmas when we went with mom and dad.  Even though it is wonderful to get together with our families, it was such a special time I will treasure very much.  It was exactly what I needed.

Megan, Melissa, Marsha, and Julie came to RDU on Friday June 19th. Megan made reservation for us at the Umstead hotel a few miles from the airport. I made it home ,packed things up and was able to get to the ariport to pick up the first 3 (Julie came very late but do you think that we were sleeping? of course not!). The hotel suite was fabulous.  Megan is our officially Betty planner for life…the rest of us can just barely get ourselves there!  Anyway, we spent the entire next day roasting by the pool. It was so nice…and so were the peach coladas! Then we went for dinner to “an”, an Asian fusion with European influence. It was super yummy and only 0.9mi from the hotel! So we enjoyed that immensely and went back to the room later to chill and talk more. The next morning, we had breakfast on the veranda and Marsha and I took the other 3 to the airport. Then Marsha and I found a little deli and had coffee and chatted for a bit longer. They don’t know this but I cried on my way home. Not only because I was sad to see them go so fast but also because I love them and I appreciate that they are so thoughtful. They came here last year to the house to spend Betty weekend and this year, I got to venture but close enough to home that if anything was problematic, I could have returned. They look after me but never indicate that they do. I don’t know if they discuss it. They wouldn’t tell me if I asked. But they know I love them and I am grateful for their friendship in ways I could never articulate.

Other little triumphs:

#1  I went to get my hair done. This is not new. I mean, I have done this before on my own but things have been INSANE this semster so I haven’t been since January. Jackie doesn’t chide me but she silently shakes her head and cuts off the garbage.

#2 I got my teeth cleaned. I have not been to the dentist since before the accident. Jani found an office over on Red Banks by Betsy’s office and so I made an appt back in April for June. I couldn’t get up the walkway and through the door so I called the front desk and a couple of the hygenists came out to help me. I was able to trasfer to their chair, get reclined, and feel the glory of having my teeth scoured.  When I say “glory” , I know full well how most people wince when they think of the metal picks scraping thier teeth. I have always been one of those. But not having had my teetch cleaned for about 2 years, I was happy to be there. The hygenist I had was really very nice and Dr. Coc spent time telling me the pros and cons of whitening with commercial products versus their treatment.

#3 I went shopping at the Fresh Market by myself. I pushed one of those little carts with 2 baskets on it through the store and got a bunch of stuff for my family for their arrival. Which is now about 5 hours away (it is 9pm). 

So many other things I need to say…the kindness people show at Fresh Market, the people I work with in the lab, I haven’t talked to Ionia folks – Rob, Cindy, or Cathy yet but I hope to soon.  So much to be thankful for.  Teresa and Dave came by yesterday to groom the yard when I was gone grocery shopping. I came home to them just finishing and was quite overwhelmed (surprising from the woman who was mowing the lawn at the other house 3 days before giving birth to Encsi…she wouldn’t come out and it was DEFINITELY WAY PAST time!). So then we went to go see Transformers (which was AWESOME!) in that afternoon. When I was taking them home, I casually asked Dave (knowing that is it his first language) about the engine light in my “limo”. So he spent about 27 seconds diagnosing, went to the auto parts store, and fixed it in 49sec.  

So I am glad to be able to take care of myself well enough that Jani and the kids can go and enjoy themselves without worrying about me.  I know that Jani wished for me to be with them but I really strongly felt that after all he has been through, he deserved to have time with his family without worry about me and how to get me around and where to keep me. They are fantastic people. On my end, it was good to be able to figure out what I can do. Jani does everything and doesn’t mind. But I used to be like that too and so even though my body doesn’t cooperate as well as it used to, my soul needed to try. Having my brother here the first weekend was great because I felt now only blissful to have his company but safe going out with him. Going to be with the girls the next weekend was great because I felt that after my brother was here and I had been alone for 10 days, I gained the courage and strength I needed to test my boundaries.  This weekend by myself at home I needed too. I know ther are going to be many times in my future when Jani and the kids are going to go do stuff without me but now I know also that there is a lot I can do because I am not only that same old me but I am Jani’s wife and you all know what that means…where there is a will, there is at least one way!

xxxoxoxox