love you

During the long time I have not written here I still haven’t been able to put all this mass to the proper shelf in my head.  I am struggling many times between feeling extreemly sorry for Jitka, and being very grateful for having her around.  I am still mad at the woman who hit her.  I am still mad at her for putting not only Jitka, but all four of us in this situation.  I am sorry for the kids that they can’t go hiking with mommy, I am sorry Jitka can’t feel the refreshing wind while running or biking.  I am sorry for every time I see her stretch from her wheelchair to reach something that is higher than 5feet.  I told her “she has legs until I have legs”, we share mine.  And I am sure if her health keeps OK, there will come a medical solution to this problem and she will walk again. Hopefully in five years, maybe in ten.  We just tough it out.  Walking is not the only thing that is missing from her life now.  But it sure would be nice to have.

I am gratefulRowan and Encsi have their mommy.  She is happy to take care of them.  I am so happy they are able to hug and kiss each other.  We grow older together this way,  we are all together.  Rowan said when I will have no more strength to lift mommy he will be very strong and will do all the work.  He even started eating like a champ for that very reason. 

Here I am worried about all of them all the time.  I guess this is something I haven’t learned how to overcome.  I sometimes wonder if it was the right decision to get a full time job at this time, when I could be so much help at home.  But then I remind myself the reason why I applied for this – , so it is O.K. 

I wish you to know I am not forgetting anybody’s kindness.  All those who helped and continue to help us, please know my heart goes out to you.  I love you.  And I love you my Luftika, Roro, and Encsi.