Happy Mother’s Day!

Dear friends and family,

First let me day what a wonderful Mother’s Day it is. Friday Rowan and Encsi brought cards they made at daycare with their handprints on them. This morning, Rowan went outside and picked some flowers for me. Then some of our wonderful neighbors came all dressed up before church to bring some tulips and wish me a Happy Mothers day. Really a lovely surprise (I hope they can forgive my bedhead!). Then I went outside with the kids for a bit but it started raining so we moved our play inside.  After lunch when Encsi went for a nap, Rowan and I snuggled in bed, ate popcorn, watched some cartoons, and read a story.  We talked to my mom, Jani’s mom, and Auntie Mervie too and wished all mothers lots of love. Anyway, it is only a little after 3pm and so I’ll let you how the rest of the day goes!

Most of this next part was written earlier in the week…..

I can hardly see the screen through my tears. I am working at home today (Monday) and I decided to take a break to go back to the blog. You might recall that a month ago I got through some but didn’t finish reading past posts before I started writing. I read some of the initial posting that Bob wrote and then read up to my birthday.  The words, descriptions, and thoughts from Bob, Kal, and Jani are truly heart wrenching.  I have always had great admiration for these men for a huge range of reasons but there are no words to express my intense appreciation now.  I am so incredibly fortunate to have such amazing people in my corner. I balled like crazy when I read what Jani wrote about his mom in mid December.  I was glad to laugh though when I read what my brother wrote about ending up at PCMH because of nearly falling out of my chair – the eyes rolling. Bets on when that will be? And I cried my heart out when I read how Khaled described his view of me watching my kids as my first sunrise. So true. Everyday is really a gift with them. Seeing Rowan’s sleeping face next to me and the gorgeous smile on his face when he wakes up to daddy’s voice before he even opens his eyes. When we were outside this weekend it was beautiful and so I was wearing shorts. Encsi (now 21 months) came over to me and looked at the graft donor site scar on my right thigh, pointed at it and contorted her face into a concerned visage and said “ow”. I said yup that mommy’s ouchie and then she leaned in, kissed it, and toddled away to play.  This is the attitude – be tender briefly and then get on with the important things in life!

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I cry and I get frustrated. Not because I can’t reach something (that has always been an issue being married to a very tall Hungarian!) but because there is so much I want to and need to do and everything either takes forever, is very difficult, or seems impossible….but not for long. I was outside cutting watermelon for the kids recently and found it to be pretty tough, not because of my hands and arms but because of my torso – no abdominal muscle control to balance.  So many of you have commented on my strength and my positive attitude and I thank you because I am working at that and so I am glad to know that it is paying off. It is real. Laughter is incredible medicine. I am so very happy to know that there are so many great people around me and the genuine support and care you all share with me is indescribable.  However, this is a new mode and I am not made of steel (well, except for the stuff I don’t like to think about like the Greenfield filter that I didn’t know about until I saw the foreign object in an x-ray I was looking at with my brother at Shepherd and he explained it to me).  I want to get up and run in the yard after Rowan. I want to go over to the pretty little fig tree Jani planted in the yard for the third time – it came from Houston as a Christmas present in 2004 to 1231 Forest Acres in 2006 and now 1259 Forest Acres in 2008). I want to feel my feet in the sand as Ensci digs around in the sandbox. I want to go pick strawberries and blueberries together (most of you know how nuts my kids are about berries). I want to smell the beautiful jasmine plants that are starting to flower (Mother’s Day gifts from my wonderful husband when we lived in Houston).  I want to go camping with my family like we did last summer – listen to the water over the dunes and fall asleep under the stars….  BUT, I am determined not waste too much energy feeling sorry for myself because I have it pretty good. To be alive for one thing but the life I have is pretty darn good. I try not to think that things could always be worse or better but it is human nature to place ourselves on a continuum.  So what I aim for each day is to slide toward the “better” end of the continuum.  Laps in the pool and propelling myself down Forest Acres will replace running and biking.  I will find other activities to substitute for ones I can’t do anymore.  Suggestions are welcome! As much as I have tried, crafts are not my forté but eventually I will attempt to make more soap and candles. I guess the boxes of photos I have could be put into albums….I am so glad to be digital now!

I got to host Bunko on Cinco de Mayo and that was very special to me. Thanks to my mom for making lots of food when she was here because I pulled out a yummy lasagna to share (I didn’t tell everyone that mom is the chef at the General Wolfe but they said it was very good!), I made some salad, and when we were at Panera on Sunday we bought some of their death by chocolate and caramel chocolate brownies (me and baking have never been close).  It was nice to see those women again and they were all very kind and helpful. For example, Karen fixed me a plate, Marion reinforced my strength (although she won in my house and I didn’t!) and we had a really good talk about coping with adversity, Teresa brought her sunny personality to sub for Barbara and put all the dishes in the dishwasher, Terri and Cheryl made sure that the game proceeded, and Frankie is taking care of the Powerball ticket (keep your fingers crossed!).  Thanks ladies!

I got a wonderful surprise e-mail from a dear old friend, Cathleen O’Malley this week (she has posted comments on this site too) and so I am really very happy to restablish contact.

The middle of the week was just plain busy - between work and therapy, things are moving along!

Friday was interesting. It started off fine, until I got to work. There was a thunderstorm in the morning and so I waited until that passed before I headed to work. When I got to the parking lot, there were only a few spots available and none of them were spots I have used before. So I pulled in, not thinking that the hatched blue areas would vary in size between spots. Well, I tested the lift and it looked close but I thought I would be able to make it out. No such luck. I tried and managed to get myself stuck between the lip of the lift and the car parked to the right. Well, luckily I had me cell phone on me and so I called Laura and told her I was “good but stuck” and asked if she could find someone that might be physically capable of helping me out. So she and Dr. Ray came an rescued me. Not only that, Dr. Ray reparked the van so that I would be able to get in when I had to leave.  Also, as all this was happening, Dr. Lust arrived and said he thought we might be having a meeting outside. Then Dr. Iams arrived and saw us all out there and so he came over to join us.  So much for not drawing attention!  Fortunately it wasn’t pouring anymore. One can only laugh about something like this. It makes for a good story!

Emily and Jason were in town visiting from Boston for graduation and we got to spend some time sitting out on the patio with them on Saturday too.

Healthwise, the intranasal stuff works alright but as I get more physically active, the dose frequency doesn’t seem to cut it so I’m going to work on that this week. My physical strength is responding (well, a little more slowly than I would like but it is aging too!) and so hopefully by the end of the summer I will be independent.  People seem to be surprised that I have been going back to work part time since March and driving since mid-April.  I will continue to strive for physical and mental strength!

Have a great Mother’s Day Sunday afternoon and a wonderful week everyone!